Mistress160's BDSM For Beginners

Part 26: Playing with electric fly swatters / electric paddles

2011-10-13T18:05:00.001-07:00

This post is about Edgeplay

Please don't view if you
are not interested in:
electrical play

"start with an electric flyswatter.
The high pitched whine of its charging,
and sudden jolting shocks...".
perverted imp - Masochist Brain

One of the great things we brought back from Kinkfest was this "Bug Zapper". There are many different kinds of electrical play, including TENS units, Violet Wands, EMS and ... Electric Fly Swatters!

Here's Wiki on the latter:

"manual bug zapper or electric flyswatter, which resembles a small tennis racquet strung with wire. A high voltage is maintained between two adjacent grids by a battery-powered high-voltage generator operated when a switch is pushed; when an insect is swatted it touches both grids. These devices are not protected against touch (they are only live while the switch is depressed); if touched they give a sharp but harmless electric shock."

There are a few different types available. judygrrl writes on Fet:

"It's important to remember that there are two kinds of these units...the OLD ones (fun and evil); and the NEW ones (safe and boring.) Basically...if they have "layers" (separated by a plastic thingy in the center)...you won't have a lot of "fun" with them (except that you can make e'm give of an evil sounding "zap" sound...good mind-f@ck!)"

While KinkyRoly writes on IC:

"There's two sorts generally on offer, the safe sort and the dodgy sort. Needless to say, you want the dodgy sort. The safe type has the grid of high voltage elements within a protective wire screen which lets flies through, but not bits of people. It's very difficult to use them effectively on people. Most electric fly swatters have two buttons. One to enable it and another one to charge it up. Pressing the charge button for a few seconds charges it up and lights a lamp showing that it's ready for use. Releasing the button earlier will partially charge it and produce a lesser shock, which may be useful when trying it out"

You need to make your own mind up re the safety factor of these toys, and for that you need to read more than the few quotes I've posted here, so check out the various links in the References and Online Resources list at the bottom of the this post.

Some people absolutely do not recommend them for play. Prober writes:

"I have given a bit of thought on the use of this bug zapper as a playtoy. It could be used however the safety aspect is questionable. The advertisement is correct in its' description that with the battery source and the method for generating the high voltage there is not enough current to be dangerous. That part is correct.

"There are potential problems however which are equally serious being the voltage generated is likely pulsed D.C. which is dangerous to the skin (I have not confirmed this but based on the fact that this is a cheap consumer device I would doubt that they would go to the time and expense to include appropriate circuitry to create an A.C. signal). Some of this might be difficult to follow, however the important issue to note here is that direct current (D.C.) or pulsed D.C. is potentially harmful by burning the skin. Always use a system that uses alternating current (A.C.)

"The distance between electric plates on the bug zapper are designed to kill bugs. Therefore between electrodes you have only about a quarter of an inch. This small space is limited especially when you might wish to select a larger *grIN* area on the surface of the body to inflict your pain enjoyment.

"The last problem that I see is that there is no adjustment .... This means the intensity of the electric shock is fixed and only time of application can be changed. This is not good. Ideally you want adjustability and NOT voltage regulation..you want current regulation so as the victums body changes characteristics (resistance) you are always generating the same current (stimulation).

"Would I use one? Would I recommend others to try them as playtoys? No. They are far too limited in ability and rather than turn you off of electric play I would rather see people use something specifically designed for the purpose"

We'll discuss "something specifically designed for the purpose" later, but let's look at some other opinions about safety. Marcus Strapp accompanies his text in "How to Build a Zapper Instructions" with this "Note":

"This is not a recommendation. This is a record of my experience. You copy what I have done, you do so at your own risk.

"Is it safe? I don't know! At least I have nothing in the way of hard evidence to say that it is. Although the Zapper is powered by two AA Batteries (1.5V each) the voltage at the business end is much higher. I put a digital multimeter with hold facility across the terminals and recorded an instantaneous peak voltage of nearly 1,500V! I would only use this on someone in A1 health. I certainly would not use it on anyone with any heart condition or someone using a pace maker.

"my decision to use it is based on lots of trying it out on me, and the fact that the fly swatter is available for sale without any restrictions on the purchaser (such as age). but then, matches are freely available too!"

Here Tanos discusses the safety aspects:

"If you're thinking about making or using one yourself, you need to understand the risks as they apply to you. You may get tiny electrical burns; high voltage toys can damage electronics, including pacemakers, etc. If in doubt, ask your doctor if it's safe for YOU to "use a fly swatter."

Finally, here's Malystryx from a thread on Fet about electric fly swatters:

"I have used electric fly swatters for a good period of time on a good number of people from the tips of noses to their toes, will nothing worse than a string of profanities being issued when it's used or a complaint that it still hurt, but subsided in two hours or less. Granted, nothing is 100% safe and yes, there are some risks which include startling someone to possible electrical burns, but if you play with awareness of the risks, all should be fine.
"You can get the "zap" from quickly touching it to the skin and removing it(a little more severe than a good static electricity shock," or you can hold your finger on the charge button and run it over a person's body which gives a tingly, kind of like a violet wand, feeling. The voltage has little to do with their use and effectiveness IMO, but I would look at local or online farm suppliers for one without safety grids which is where I've found them most recently."

Electric fly swatters or zappers are used in BDSM play in several ways. Some people leave the swatter in the form they bought it and use it as an "electric spanking paddle", for either spanking or related play.

image from 4.sick.com

Here's an incredibly hot quote from My Not-So-Secret Self posted on the Spanking Blog:

"The wires hot with electricity touch the tender flesh of my inner thigh and I feel it surge along my body; unlike the cattle prod it doesn’t echo deep into my body but rather seems to travel along my skin, like waves in the ocean slipping away into calm nothingness.

"She pauses, waiting for my response; it really doesn’t hurt all that much, and I tell her so, giggling quietly. As she agrees with me, I jerk involuntarily at the unexpected touch of the fly swatter on my other thigh.

"This time, I give in to the electricity – letting the incredible feelings wash over me. I feel zippy light pain, almost indistinguishable from the floaty mindless pleasure that overwhelms me. But before the sensations have a chance to dissipate, I feel it starting all over again as she touches the fly swatter to the first thigh, yet again.

"The intensity of the electricity becomes harder to control as she gently touches the fly swatter back and forth between my inner thighs. I lose control quickly and she coos at me calmly that I need to stay still. Despite my best efforts, my legs are thrashing and my body won’t stop moving – I can no longer defeat the current..."

photo from Spanking blog

Greta Christina advises in "Shock Treatment", her in depth review of "electric paddles":

"I should tell you right off the bat -- "paddle" is a bit of a misnomer. Yes, the size and shape of the toy are very paddle-like. But the feel as it lands on your skin couldn't be more different from a paddle. This is not a "thud" toy at all. This is a serious "sting" toy. It discharges onto your skin with a sharp, sudden, cruel bite, focused on a very small area.

"The pain is erotic, even sensual in a way, but it's not hypnotic or massage-y like a spanking or a flogging can be. This toy wakes you the hell up. The first time I got zapped with it, it scared me half out of my skin. I almost thought it was too much. But by the third or fourth time, I was squealing when the shock hit and begging for more. It doesn't feel quite like any other play toy I've used, but if I had to compare it to something, I'd say it's like being hit with a riding crop or a single-tail whip. But it gives you that sensation without any actual impact at all..."

However it's not all good news, in Greta Christina's review:

"The big downside is that you can't control the intensity of the shock. If the intensity is too much, you can't dial it down, and if it's not quite mean enough for you, you can't crank it up. The shock level does vary somewhat within a small range, but that variety seems to come more or less at random. Also, the round racquet shape makes it difficult to use on hard-to-reach parts of the body. If it were shaped more like a wand or a rod, it'd be more handy as a sex toy. But then you couldn't swat flies with it, which is after all what the damn thing is made for.

"What's more, you really cannot use the Electric Paddle as a paddle. Well, you could, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's far too flimsy. If you hit someone with it hard enough to actually have an impact, it seems like it wouldn't hold up for long..."

I think the flimsy factor, together with the fact its hard to actually use in it's "tennis racquet" form factor is in part why many kinksters adapt their electric swatters. You might recall my first experience of playing with one of these modified swatters: Mistress Tara's "sub zapper", which I first used during the "predicament" tableau MzAntonina and I created during our Victorian themed high protocol tea party. Here's what I wrote about the scene at the time:

"As our guests drew, I walked about the tableau with Mistress Tara's subzapper. I first heard of this toy after sol attended MistressTara's "Sadistic play" workshop at The Gathering. I couldn't attend because I was moderating another workshop but sol was full of talk / possibilities re MistressTara's fiendish creation. I'd asked MistressTara to bring it today and the guests had already enjoyed seeing it used on solipsist and wolve.

Ms160 - Tableau photo
original post here

"Now, as I moved quietly around the tableau, none of the subs knew where I'd apply it, and the whole tableau rocked away from me as I walked around and around. Hmmm. How to strike, to cause the most damage. I looked down. Of course! After silently conferring with Mistress Meg I zapped nickzwa on the backside. He flinched and the whole tableau shook. He later wrote:
"Whenever a subbie was zapped i felt the pressure shift on my back. my arms were growing tired and i started to drop lower because the weight on by back kept flinching and jumping and whimpering. i felt a sudden zap on my arse and then another! i felt the entire sculpture move. i was zapped again but i did not flinch ... Then i was told to reposition myself properly. i had lowered myself too much!. i pushed on my arms again and made my back level. it was hard being a table"
"I was really delighted to read later that nickzwa enjoyed the tableau and found "it was hard being a table". In fact, nickzwa had been placed in that position at the bottom of the tableau for a very important reason - he had mentioned a particular objectification fantasy in his ClubFEM - NSW server's questionnaire, so I had discussed with his Mistress the possibility of making it come true, although perhaps not in a way nickzwa had visualized!

"I was still walking around the tableau looking for good places to strike. "Try the balls" said someone. I could reach nickzwa's .... but "you didn't say WHO's balls" I replied as I inserted the device up the back of desertstorm's skirt. He too flinched and moved forward, and the tableau rocked again.

"I moved to the other side. By now I was becoming hyper aware of slavegirl_M's response to my movements. She was breathing fast and flinching away. Now I knew, and her owner Mistress Tara knew, as we'd discussed all this, that the subzapper was only to be used on slavegirl_M for severe punishments. But slavegirlM certainly didn't know that. From her point of view she had a strange dominant roaming around her who may not understand how the toy was usually used. I looked up at Mistress Tara. "The flinching, the scent of fear ... it's intoxicating", I said. She grinned. I touched the underside of M's right arm with a finger tip and the whole tableau nearly toppled..."

I'm sure you can understand after reading that why sol and I have been looking for an electric fly swatter of our own to adapt since that scene *grin*.

There are lots of different ways to adapt your electric fly swatter. As Mech wrote on Fet:

"I have a couple of them i have modified , one is a rivet studded leather paddle , the other is made like a stun gun with two protruding rivets , they are fun"

Here's some ideas:

If you want a Taser style implement, check out Marcus Strapp's instructions.

If you prefer a cattle prod style implement, I highly recommend Tanos's instructions ("[I started] thinking about cattle-prod like adaptations, with the business end on a long metal shaft. This has obvious uses for "moving" slaves around woods") (final photo here).

thisgirlsub posts her Dom's instructions for "converting a flyswatter into a 'cattle prod' type item...the contacts become smaller and this will make it hurt more than using it as a bat ... [these are] very basic instructions and depending on your level of skill you should be able to adapt these instructions to make a fairly effective "subby prod" on this Fetlife thread.

If you like the cattle prod style but don't want to do any modifications you might like to track down a TAZapper:

"Made from durable plastic and a circuit board that has undergone rigorous testing ... Like a miniature cattle prod, the TAZAPPER delivers a concentrated spark of differential, non-penetrating static electricity across its gold plated contacts. The contacts are 5mm apart and are looped back into the nose housing to prevent snagging. The unit will deliver an impressive sounding and looking spark repeatedly until the batteries run down..."

snakeman describes the TAZapper on Fet as:

"an electric flyswatter modified with a voltage regulator and has two contacts about 5mm apart instead of a grid for more precise targeting on the recipient. I own one and find that it makes a bigger brighter spark and a louder pop than it’s cousin the fly swatter but with less bite"

.TwistedView agrees this Fet thread

"I've played with both the Tazapper and a converted fly swatter and they are almost identical. I wouldn't spend the money on a Tazapper when you can take a fly swatter and use that. The Tazapper/swatter is a single shock. One quick pulse"

However perhaps the TAZapper is the kind of "something specifically designed for the purpose" that critics of playing with electric fly swatters like Prober would be happier to recommend.

Once you've adapted your new toy you need to read up on how and wear to use it - the Fetlife and IC threads in the References and Online Resources list below are useful to find direct experiences and advice, but here's a few quotes to start.

Marcus Strapp writes in "How to Build a Zapper Instructions":

"How do you use it? Charge it up (you need to hold down the "on/off" button and the "Safety" button). Go in quick, make contact, then immediately pull back! if you maintain contact with the victim you run the risk of repeat sparking and that will cause burning. a quick contact will cause a spark, but in my experience, provided you avoid sensitive AREAS there is little or no sign of burning. where can you use it? so far i have tested it on myself on arms, legs, feet, hands, arse, and lower torso.

"Personally i would not go anywhere else. as tempting as it is, i'd avoid nipples, and other sensitive bits and bobs. i'd also stay away from the face. what this delivers, is not nice. you simply do not need to over use it. it's a great head fuck to let someone see it, then blindfold them, shock 'em once, and just prod them with the thing without charging it up! they're going to jump anyway!"

TheProf advises on IC:

"Seriously, do keep them away from soft tissue, nipples or the head of the penis, especially. The discharge is enough to actually cook thin flesh, causing burns that never heal well."

Finally, an extended quote from V and G of Erotic sushi who write of their oh so very erotic experience with a TAZapper:

"Sir had me bound, gagged, blindfolded, spreader bar between my ankles, vibrating nipple clamps in place.... he moved around the room silently, making occasional deliberate noises to heighten my anticipation. I knew it MUST be coming, but when? Where? and HOW would it feel?

"I was on the brink of a delicious squirting orgasm courtesy of a glass dildo and the Eroscillator... when he did it. It sent me plummeting away from my orgasm as quickly as anything ever has. ZAP!!! Right on my inner thigh ligament... the one that helps form the hollow between my pussy and my leg... a supremely sensitive spot. Zowie.

"And..... mmmmmmm...... It was followed almost immediately by another matching ZAP!!! on the other side, then one on the side of my breast: that one seemed to shoot down my arm a bit. OuchDammitFreakyCoolYowza. More please....

"He did this several more times, just as I was cresting orgasms, until I was dying to cum. It was one of the best orgasms of my life.

"So what does it feel like? Hmmm... hard to describe. Imagine someone takes a little rubber band and snaps you with it. Close, except that the sensation travels outward from the point of impact a little, sort of slithers under your skin... and the sting goes away almost instantaneously, unlike the aforementioned rubber band. Or just imagine a static electricity shock times about 25. Oh, and you know its coming"

V and G of Erotic Sushi commented about the strength of the TAZapper:

"Now I think I have a fairly high pain tolerance, but ... I would imagine that there are some out there who might think it just barely tickles. It only has one power setting. So it would take some serious electrical pimping-out to make it do anything more."

Snakeman agrees:

"When I have used the tazapper on myself I have found the sensation to be less intense than a non-modified electric flyswatter and everyone who sampled it to date concurs"

So it's definitely up to each individual to work out their own responses, to both electric fly swatters and the TAZapper.

UPDATE 19 OCT 2011:

Here's sol creating our new zapper:

We used this plug, which came off an Indonesian appliance:

It really only took about half an hour:

And here's the end result:

It's certainly painful. We'll keep you informed of any future scenes in which it takes part. I find I agree with V and G of Erotic sushi that these devices are:

"a novelty and a nice addition to our toybox... and just knowing its in there makes putting the blindfold on all that much more interesting"

I'm always amazed what devices - electric or otherwise - we kinksters end up "perverting". As Spanking blog observed:

"Somewhere Thomas Edison is smiling in his grave"

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES

WANT ONE?
You can purchase one from a BDSM store:

Extreme Restraints - "Electric Zapper Paddle For Spanking" - "This really give them a jolt without much stress on your pocketbook! Originally this lightweight plastic and wire tennis racket shaped paddle was intended for use as an electric fly swatter or bug zapper. Activate the paddle by pressing the button to turn the paddle on and then apply it to the target. This electric zapper paddle emits a really intense electrical shock."
The Stockroom - The Zapper: "We believe these electric paddles were originally intended as bug zappers. Leave it to us kinksters to come up with an equally cruel but consensual use for them. ... These paddles are constructed of lightweight plastic and aren’t well-suited for heavy swats, but can be used lightly and don’t require any force once the electricity is flowing. These paddles put out an intense spark and will probably mainly appeal to heavier players"

But some stores are extremely pricey. I saw one fly swatter priced at nearly 40 Euros. So you might like to check at local cheaper stores or markets. We purchased ours for a few bucks at a Melbourne market.

You might also like to look at the TAZapper, although it seems to be mostly out of stock these days, in various stores.

GENERAL:
Peter Boots and Dirk - Electricity Reference
BDSM Electrical Stimulation - Can Hand-held bug zappers be used safely for electric play?

Greta Christina - Shock Treatment: Electric Paddle Review
Caged Heart Publishing - BDSM Scenes & Electrical Play: Violet Wands, TENS Units and Bug Zappers
Tony DeBlase - The Difference Between Violet Wands and TENS Type Units
Erotic Sushi - The TAZapper
Fet Electric play group

perverted imp - Masochist Brain
Spanking blog

Sparks - Information on Electric Play
Marcus Strapp

Tanos - Making a "flyprod"
Wiki - Bug Zapper

Photos:
electric fly swatter on pussy - 4sick.com
photo from Spanking blog
Ms160
(permissions obtained from
everyone in Tableau photo ...
original post here)

Dr Robert J Rubel in Oz

2011-09-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

Dr Rubel
(photo: courtesy http://rubelpresents.com/)

Dr Robert J Rubel will be touring Australia in late September. His Rubel Presents website states:

"Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob), is an educational sociologist and researcher by training. He has ten books currently in print (four on Master/slave topics, two on advanced sex techniques, one on fire play, and three erotic art photo books).

"Recipient of the 2008 Pantheon of Leather’s Community Choice Award, Robert (Bob) Rubel has been involved in the BDSM scene since the summer of 2001, throwing himself into the literature of the field as though it were an academic study. He frequently attends weekend Leather conferences.

"Dr. Bob is the Series Editor of Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series (the successor to Power Exchange Magazine). This is a series of books that are collections of highly focused essays that cover a wide range of special topics within the larger field of BDSM. He presents, judges, and sells his books widely throughout the year. In 2007 and 2008, he participated in over 31 events.

"Bob is also a natural- light photographer"

You'll find a detailed list of Dr Rubel's publications and workshops on that site. For his Sydney workshop schedule see here.

His Melbourne visit coincides with Oz Kinkfest, so you can check out his program on the Kinkfest schedule page. There's an extremely good deal where you can purchase seats for three workshops for under $100, and sol and I have taken advantage of this, and will be attending workshops relating to these books by Dr Rubel:

Sol and I have found these very useful in the creation of our own rituals and rules, and it's great to finally be able to attend workshops related to these topics. It's also a chance for us to learn more about leather, something that's quite rare in Australia.

We look forward to seeing you there :)

Photo:
courtesy http://rubelpresents.com/

Oz Kink Fest 2011 - update

2011-07-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

Last year's Oz Kink Fest poster
This year the dates are 13 to 23 Sept 2011
I'll put up the new poster as soon as it's available

For those of us looking forward to Oz Kinkfest MistressMallice just posted an Oz Kink Fest update on Fetlife:

The Ultimate GLBQTI Alternative lifestyle Festival in Aus!

We¹re counting down to OZKinkFest11
the kinkiest 10 days in Melbourne

Oz Kink Fest Event Listing

It will be a spectacular festival where everyone can safely explore their utmost fantasies and discover Melbourne's vibrant ambiance. KinkFest will create opportunity to make long-lasting friendships and meet Fetlifers/kinksters face to face who we often only chat to online.

In addition to the main events there will be workshops throughout the week by international and local presenters.
So whether you are a fetish fashionista, a pain slut, a slave in training, a seasoned player or a curious newbie OzKinkFest will have something foreveryone. There is an Oz Kink Fest event pass that gives you access to all of the major events at a discounted price, or you can purchase tickets for individual events

For more information check out the web site:

OzKinkFest

HELLFIRE RESURRECTION
Friday 16th September
Royal Melbourne Hotel 628 Bourke Street CBD
9.30pm - 3.00 am
Tickets $45 pre sale or $60 @ Door
Performances: The Hanged Man team, Master S, Mark & Lani - DV8House, Raven, Astro, Kelly Ann Doll and our wonderful MC's Fancy Piece with the awesome DJ Crossy

KLUB KUNST
Sunday 18th September
Sircuit 103-105 Smith Street Fitzroy 3 pm - 9 pm
Tickets $50 pre sale or $70 @ Door

FETISH EXPO
Saturday 24th September
Fitzroy Town Hall Napier Street Fitzroy
12 noon - 7 pm Tickets $15 pre sale $20 @ Door
Performances, Fashion Show, Stalls

HEAVEN & HELL FETISH EXPO AFTER PARTY
Saturday 24th September
Fitzroy Town Hall Napier Street Fitzroy
7 pm - Midnight Tickets $20 pre sale $30 @ Door

Oz Kink Fest Event pass $120 (All events)
All Tickets can be purchased online

or at Eagle leather, Lucrezia DeSade, Marquis DeSade, Chains, MJ's Toy Box, Hares & Hyennas

Photo: courtesy Oz KinkFest

SlutWalk in Sydney - update

2011-05-16T19:19:00.001-07:00

For readers interested in Sydney's Slutwalk, audryautonomy just posted on Fet:

SlutWalk Sydney: Queen's Birthday Public Holiday Monday 13th June

DUE TO EXPECTED NUMBERS MASSIVELY OUTSTRIPPING ORIGINAL ESTIMATES WE HAVE HAD TO CHANGE OUR ROUTE

NEW ROUTE:

1:30pm meet outside Sydney Town Hall, George St, Sydney for a 2pm start
2:30pm speakers and performance outside the District Court
4pm arrive at Harmony Park, next to the Surry Hills Police Station

This Queen's Birthday Public Holiday:
Coinciding with, and supported by, Camp Betty 2011, the Sydney SlutWalk stands in solidarity with Toronto (and other cities internationally) against victim blaming and slut shaming.

No one should equate enjoying sex with attracting sexual assault. Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work. We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged for our perceived sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. Our cities, our streets and out parks belong to all of us. No one should associate the use of public space with fear of violence and rape.

Our message is that rape can never be ok and that sexual assault is inexcusable, regardless of mode of dress or perceived sexual orientation. “Slut” is being reappropriated from a form of hate speech to a valid expression of sexuality. SlutWalk Sydney invites you to support the event and join us in this call for an end to the disgraceful vilification of the survivors of assault and rape.

A myth about sex work is that it is a job that is high-risk for sexual assault. In reality this has the effect of impunity for sex workers' assailants. In NSW sex work is decriminalised and street sex work has been legal since 1979. Regardless of sex workers legal rights, those who report rape and assault are still regularly blamed and victimised by police, media and in court. This is a shameful and completely unacceptable situation and must be challenged. There are sex workers participating in all the Australian SlutWalks, marching in defence of their profession, their personal autonomy, and most importantly their basic human rights.

SlutWalk Sydney will coincide with, and is supported by a radical political festival taking place over the Queen’s Birthday long weekend. Camp Betty is a uniquely Australian, national convergence on issues of sex, gender and sexuality. The festival will host major panels on policing and the justice system; queer sexuality, radical action & electoral politics; sex worker activism; queer spaces; and consent.

Contact for media or to help out: slutwalksydney@gmail.com

Sydney SlutWalk community page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/SlutWalk-Sydney-Sluts……

For details of SlutWalks in other Australian cities: http://www.facebook.com/pages/SlutWalk-Australia/21……

And Around the World:
http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/satellite

Camp Betty Sydney 2011:
www.campbetty.org

FetLife Event - http://fetlife.com/events/54041
Facebook Event - http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=2047086695…

Safe Call / Silent Alarm

2011-05-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

Photo swiped from The Heron Clan

T of The Heron Clan puts up a "Safety Post" once a year or so. Her latest post begins:

"Yes, it has been about a year since my last "Safety Post". And many of you have heard my tale, but there are newbies lurking out there that need to be careful, too.

"About 14-ish years ago I thought I was invincible. I could play with strangers and nobody would cause me harm unless I asked for it. Boy, was I wrong!

"I "met" the "Dom of my Dreams" online. We chatted alot and of course we were practically "soul-mates"...because I was being stupid and believed all the lies. Finally we planned to meet. He came to town and got a motel room and I got all gussied up and blindly went off to meet my future MONSTER.

"He met me at the door with a gun..."

Safety is extremely important in the scene. To be honest although it's covered in topics like my Going Real Time Series (Moving into the Lifestyle) series, I don't talk about safety enough, either here or over on Ms160's Abode.

So I 200% recommend you head over to The Heron Clan to read the rest of T's post. T not only discusses what happened that night, she explains what's required regarding creating your own personal Safe Call / Silent Alarm system, for when you are meeting a stranger for play. And as T reminds us, while this is important for any "newbies lurking out there" its also important as a refresher for more experienced players. As T concludes:

"play safe. Take care of each other"

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES:

T at The Heron Clan: "Safety First People!"

WANT TO LEARN MORE?

altsubmission - The Importance of a safety net
Domsub - Safe Call Refresher
elle finn - 10 Things I wish I'd known about
LunaKM - 5 Things to Give your safe Call Person
LunaKM - First Meetings Done Safely
LunaKM - Identifying Fake Dominants and Posers
Ms160 - Going Real Time Series (Moving into the Lifestyle)
Postat Safety First - Fun Second Safety When Meeting For The First Time
Powererotics BDSM Safety
screamer Online / offline BDSM Safety
Raven Shadowborne - Safe call and safe words
SirBamm! - Safe call guide and outline
Twist of Wyrd BDSM Safety - First Time Meetings
Wiki - BDSM - Safety

Thank you:
T and the Heron Clan, for reminding me
I need to post more on this topic

Photo:
Photo swiped from
The Heron Clan

QUESTIONS FROM FORMSPRING: Your workshops in early 2011

2010-12-16T16:15:00.000-08:00

What workshops are you doing next year?

I'm still flat out preparing my new BDSMForBeginners.com site, but the first few months of 2011 I'm presenting workshops at Mistress Satet's in Brisbane and the Southern Exposure conference (at Easter) in New Zealand. I'm also hoping to travel to Tasmania to present some workshops for a good friend there.

At the moment I'm down for these workshops at Southern Exposure:

Aftercare
Birching in the 21st century
D/s for New Dominants

Satet has asked me to present and co-present several workshops, but apart from Intro to D/s Rituals we've not locked anything down yet. Other topics may include:

Aftercare
Crossdressing and Feminization
Quilling
Sub Hunting
Femdom Tea Parties

You can find their websites here:

http://southernexposure.gen.nz/

http://mistresssatet.com/

Please keep an eye on them for further details.

We also run skillshares and workshops at our home.

QUESTIONS FROM FORMSPRING: Your Crossdressing Resources List from The Gathering

2010-12-16T15:51:00.000-08:00

Could you please post the resource list you put together for the cross dressing workshop at the gahtering. thank you maam.

Yes of course :)

To others reading this, please note that while I prepared this resources list for The Gathering it was not reproduced in the final handout for this workshop. However we referred to items on it several times during the workshop and I offered to provide to people who wanted a copy. I didn't think to reproduce the resources on my blog but I should have, so thank you for reminding me!

AUSTRALIAN CROSS DRESSING RESOURCES

HISTORY OF CROSS DRESSING IN OZ:

ABC Australia's Cross Dressing Past
http://www.abc.net.au/tv/bigideas/stories/2010/04/19/2876611.htm
Dress historian Margot Riley has combed the library vaults and uncovered photographs and artifacts chronicling colorful tales of cross dressing men and women throughout history

Lucy Chesser "Parting with my Sex: Cross-dressing, Inversion and Sexuality in Australian Cultural Life", Sydney: Sydney University Press, 2008.

Clive Faro, Street seen: A history of Oxford Street, Melbourne University Press, Melbourne, 2000

Garry Wotherspoon, City of the Plain: history of a gay subculture, Hale & Iremonger, Sydney, 1991

Dictionary of Sydney – Drag and Cross Dressing entry
http://www.dictionaryofsydney.org/entry/drag_and_cross_dressing

Were any famous artists crossdressers?
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/1812988

Wiki – Crossdressing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-dressing

Wiki – Tranvestic fetishism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism

Wiki – Forced Feminization
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forced_feminization

CROSS DRESSING BOOKS:

Virginia Prince, Ph.D.: Understanding Crossdressing. Los Angeles: Chevalier Publications, 1976. ISBN not known.

JoAnn Roberts, Ph.D.: Coping with Crossdressing.

JoAnn Roberts and Alison Laing: I Have Something to Tell You.

Dr. Peggy Rudd, Ed.D.: My Husband Wears My Clothes. Katy, Tex.: PM Publishers, 1993, ISBN 0-9626762-0-9. Highly recommended.

Dr. Peggy Rudd, Ed.D.: Crossdressing With Dignity. Katy, Tex.: PM Publishers, 1993, ISBN 0-9626762-1-7.

Jennifer Anne Stevens: From Masculine to Feminine and All Points In Between. Cambridge, Mass.: Different Path Press, 1990 ISBN 0-9626262-0-1. Highly recommended.

The Chameleon Society's Library page has a great list of Crossdressing books:
http://www.chameleonswa.com/library.html

HELPFUL ARTICLES AND LINKS:

Jo Anne Roberts “Will They Still Love Me After I Tell Them?”
http://www.cdspub.com/cope01.html

Jo Anne Roberts “Living in a box: some thoughts on self esteem”
http://www.cdspub.com/cope06.html

Transvestite and Crossdressing Issues
http://www.firelily.com/gender/sstgfaq/tvcd.html

Crossdressing survey “who we do tell and how they feel about it”
http://www.yvonnesplace.net/survey/survey99/relationships_telling.htm
(some interesting stats)

INFORMATION AND SUPPORT SERVICES:

These services offer great websites with forums, chatrooms, plus excellent links and resources, articles and great advice.

Seahorse Society
http://www.seahorsesoc.org/
A non-profit self-help organisation for crossdressers and transgender people with several state branches throughout Oz. The Society “aims to bring crossdressers and transgender people together socially in a safe venue, to provide mutual support for them, their partners and families, and to promote a better understanding of these issues to the wider community".

The Seahorse Society also offers “Partners & Family Support”, - “a contact phone specifically for wives/partners and families of members of the Society ... operated by the wives and partners of Crossdressers [who] have volunteered to try and help other wives, partners and family members to understand crossdressing”.

Chameleon Society of WA and also Victoria
http://www.chameleonswa.com/
http://home.vicnet.net.au/~csv

Australian Transgender Support Association of QLD
http://atsaq.com

Gtfolk
http://www.tgfolk.net/

Brisbane Tgirls
http://brisbanetgirls.com/

Carrousel Club of South Australia
http://carrouselclub.com

Agender New Zealand
http://agender.org.nz

Crossdressers.com
http://www.crossdressers.com/

PLACES TO TALK WITH OTHERS:

Seahorse Society and Chameleon Society websites all have forums and chatrooms:

http://www.seahorsesoc.org/forum/

http://www.chameleonswa.com/forum/

The Seahorse Society also runs “Outreach ... an education program, started in 2007, to allow cross dressers from country areas, their partners or wives, counsellors, health workers and other interested parties to meet and discuss relevant issues. The next Outreach Seminar will be held at Nowra on 23rd October 2010”.
http://www.seahorsesoc.org/outreach/

Fetlife.com has several active groups, including:
Cross Dressing
http://fetlife.com/groups/3066
Sissies and Sissy Maids
http://fetlife.com/groups/1039

Crossdressers.com
http://www.crossdressers.com/
(“The #1 Community for Crossdressers, the Transgendered, Transsexuals, their Loved Ones and Friends”)

URNotAlone
http://urnotalone.com/

Rose's Forum
http://rosesforum.tv/
(“initially set up as an additional facility for subscribers/readers of Rose's Repartee magazine which is widely recognised as a leading magazine for cross-dressers.”)

SHOPPING IN OZ:

Just a small sample... you'll find many more places online...

The Breast Form Store
PO Box 236 Swansea NSW 2281
(02) 49720347
info@thebreastformstore.com.au
www.thebreastformstore.com.au/

A Touch of Glamour .
359 Parramatta Rd Leichhardt NSW 2040 - (02) 9550 9654.
(Gtfolk says “This shop caters almost exclusively for TVs and TS clients. They have a wide range of lingerie, hosiery, shoes, boots, makeup and accessories. They manufacture their own line of clothes and lingerie as well as carrying regular labels like Elle MacPherson, Perele, Lotus, etc. Larger sizes are, of course, a speciality. They also stock a wide range of leather, vinyl and latex outfits, maid and nurses uniforms and other accessories for those into BDSM. They have a catalogue/mail-order facility available”)

House of Priscilla
Level 1, 47 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst
(02) 9286 3023
info@houseofpriscilla.com.au
www.houseofpriscilla.com.au

Gerry Shaw (Dress designer and manufacturer)
Shop C62,
Centrepoint, Sydney, 2000.
Phone 02 92315740
Shop 251,
Westfield Shoppingtown, Parramatta, 2150.
Phone 02 96333806
(Gtfolk.net says “These guys are absolutely incorrigible. It has to be the most tranny friendly clothes shop I've ever come across. They stock heaps of really outrageous gear”)

Gallery Serpentine
123 Enmore Road, Newtown NSW 2042
(02) 9557 5821
annette@nightmachines.net
www.galleryserpentine.com.au

Image by Design
Shop 62, Lemon Grove, Victoria Avenue Mall, Chatswood, NSW 2067
(02) 9419 6741
vivienne@imagebydesign.com.au
www.imagebydesign.com.au

Highheels.com.au
463 Elizabeth St, Surry Hills. NSW
(02) 9318 0880, mobile: 0410 772 711
www.highheels.com.au/

Generous Soles Shop
6, 23 Telopea Street, Collaroy Plateau NSW 2097
(02) 9971 SHOE (02 9971 7463)
sue@generoussoles.com.au
www.generoussoles.com.au/

Celebrity Wigs
Shop 1, 235 Oxford Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022
(02) 9386 0144
Also in Melbourne City and South Yarra (see their website)
sales@celebritywigs.com.au
www.celebritywigs.com.au

Dream Diva
134 Bridge Road (near the corner of Lennox St), Richmond Vic 3121.
1300 557 391
ienquiries@dreamdiva.com.au
www.dreamdiva.com.au

Marquis De Sade
762 North Road, Ormond
Melbourne 3024
www.marquisdesade.com.au/

It's My World
115 Smith Street, Fitzroy, 3065
Phone 03 94159776
(Gtfolk.net says “only for CD/TV/TS/TG and Drag Queens. They sell and make clothes. Sell shoes, breasts hips bums wigs jewelery and anything else a good CD/TV needs. The boys who run it are just gorgeous so it is a very easy place to shop. None of the problems of going into a shop essentially for women”)

Wisdom Development (previously known as Cross Dress with Dignity)
Collaroy Plateau, Sydney (address on application)
(02) 9971 8862 or 0402 145 583
madsandden@yahoo.com.au
www.wisdomdevelopment.com.au

The Femininity Coach
julie@thefemininitycoach.com
www.thefemininitycoach.com
Contact: Julie

Cross Dressing Australia
http://www.crossdressingaustralia.com.au/
(net order plus Gold coast salon)

Brisbane Fabulous
http://www.brisbanefabulous.com.au/

The Ladies Room
http://brisbanetgirls.com/theladiesroom.html

Gayel Warning Frock Salon
89D Goodwood Rd, Goodwood
Phone 03 83577677(Gtfolk say: “Especially cater for the drag community - clothes, makeup etc.”)

Dress Up Boutique
67 York Street, Launceston, 7250
Phone 03 63345006

Transitions by Celeste
http://www.crossdresser.com.au/
Transformation service offered plus great online tips for how to walk in heels, make up, wig purchase etc.

Gtfolk – great shopping guide
http://www.tgfolk.net/sites/gtg/tfb-shop.html

Text and resources list prepared by Mistress160 for The Gathering 2010.

Part 25: Fire + Ice: Temperature play

2010-12-06T22:17:00.001-08:00

Sol enjoying wax play

Ah .... temperature play ... so much fun, in both it's hot and cold manifestations!

"Temperature play", says Wiki:

"is a form of BDSM sensual play where objects and substances are used to stimulate the body's neuroreceptors for heat and cold for sensual effect..."

"See also:
Ice play
Fire play
Wax play"

That kind of sums up the subject, albeit it briefly. But it does give you a bit of an idea. You can also enlarge the topic to cover some kinds of food play and also chemical play (heating / cooling preparations etc) . You might like to read more about that side of things here.

In this BDSM For Beginners series post we are going to look at all three categories listed by Wiki, with most of the post exploring wax play. Interestingly wax play is often one of the first techniques tried by kinksters, which makes it a good post for the BDSM For Beginners series. Quite a few readers write and ask about it, so now it's time to answer your questions:

What exactly is temperature play?
Making an ice what??? (ice play)
What's fire play?
What's involved with wax play?
Why do people do it?
I'm confused about candles and waxes.
Can you explain about burn temperatures and melt points?
What about colors and perfumes in candles?
Why is testing important?
Scene preparation
Preparing your sub
Where can I put the wax?
How do I apply the wax?
Techniques - dripping
Techniques - pouring
Techniques - painting
More advanced techniques - using wax warmers /crock pots
More advanced techniques - using crock pots and wax crayons
More advanced techniques - mixing temperature play with other BDSM techniques
Clean up / How do you remove wax from hair and skin?
Sample scene: Ms160 and sol give wax play a go / playing with a male sub
Sample scene: Wax play with a female submissive
References and Online Resources

Some quick housekeeping re my BDSM For Beginners series:

These posts are usually very long (they are often based on my notes for two hour seminars). They require a pee break in the middle, unless you are a severe masochist, and at least one coffee break. You think I'm joking, don't you ... ha! Okay, cross your legs then ...

Read them through entirely if you like - for example, if this is a topic you really enjoy - but otherwise bookmark the post and come back when you need specific info, then check against that list of questions about temperature play and wax play above. If your query is something I've not covered, drop me a line via my profile at Fetlife.

BDSM For Beginners' posts are not so much about my own experience as collating the experiences of other kinksters and checking out some good links for you, to further explore subjects that interest you. If you've experienced temperature play and would like your experiences and any advice you'd like to share added to this post, again drop me a line and I'll add it in.

Ready?

WHAT EXACTLY IS
TEMPERATURE PLAY?

Let's revisit that quote above from Wiki:

"is a type of sensation play based around temperatures which are either significantly hotter than the ambient, or significantly colder than the ambient..."

Hang in ... let's backtrack a sec. Did you follow that term "sensation play"? Peter Masters has a very good page on this, which begins:

"Sensation play is a form of BDSM play where the focus is on the manipulation of the sensory experience of the bottom or submissive by the top or dominant. We can divide sensation play into two types:
Activities which add or modify sensations
Activities which diminish or remove sensations (sometimes known as sensory deprivation)
For convenience we will explore these in order of smell, taste, hearing, touch, and sight. It's useful to note that four out of the five senses are focused around the head (smell, taste, hearing and sight). This means that a lot of effective sensation play can be done without going below the neck.
Symbolically sensation play can be very powerful because it compels the submissive or bottom to surrender to exactly and only the experiences which their partner either allows or denies them. Sensation play is often combined with some form of bondage or restraint to prevent the submissive from doing anything (such as removing a blindfold) which might allow them to control their experience themselves...

Does the term make more sense now? Do read the rest of Peter Masters' page if you'd like to learn more.

Temperature play involves manipulation / stimulation of the senses via applications of heat and cold. Dr Beth explains why is this an effective form of play:

"Hot and cold objects can provoke some of the same kinds of feelings as painful stimuli. This is because the nervous system processes extremes of temperature in the same way as certain types of pain. Sensations such as touch and vibration are perceived by way of large, myelinated (insulated) nerve fibers that have structured nerve endings in the skin. Pain, cold, and heat are perceived via uncovered loose nerve fibers in the skin, and are all transmitted along the same type of small, unmyelinated nerves that go to the brain through the same part of the spinal cord -- the spinothalamic pathway. While these three types of sensation -- pain, cold, and heat -- all have separate nerve endings, the nerve impulses end up in the same area of the brain, the thalamus. Extremes of any of the three can elicit similar responses from a bottom"

As Dr Beth points out, there are many ways to make the body feel hot, however:

"the easiest way to use heat in SM play is dripping hot wax ... Fire play with burning alcohol is also an advanced technique, and should be avoided until you have learned the skill from someone more experienced.".

Let's take a moment to check out fire play and ice play before moving on to wax play in depth.

MAKING AN ICE WHAT???
(ICE PLAY)

Peter Masters writes:

"Ice play can be considered a form of temperature play or sensation play. Frequently used in combination with fire or heat to create contrasting sensations, it can also be used for torture"

You can have a lot of fun with this - I think the first kinky thing I ever did to sol involved an ice block *grin* - but do take into consideration safety issues. There is also a good article to be found on the dangers of ice play here, which begins:

"Ice can be an interesting sensation toy. Combined with hot wax, it can be incredible. But it can also be a dangerous toy. And Dry ice, and other super cooled liquids have no place in D/s play at all. Water ice is a reasonably safe toy, if a few precautions are observed."

One way people like to explore ice play, says Masters is with ice dildos:

"Some BDSM practitioners will freeze water inside a condom (often with the aid of a cardboard tube to retain the shape) and insert it in either of the lower orifices of a submissive or bottom. The use of a condom during insertion is strongly advised because if the temperature of the ice is below freezing, sensitive membranes may stick to it and tear"

Franklin Veaux has an excellent post about how to make one of these. As he points out in his introduction:

"One fun aspect of sensation play that can spice up your sex life is temperature play. Many people have experimented with using ice cubes on their lovers in bed, and I've met many women who really, really enjoy the sensation of cold. But there's more you can do than just take an ice cube out of the freezer and stroke a bare nipple with it! Presented here is something to take that basic idea to the next level: instructions for making a customized dildo out of ice..."

Lots of great photos on that page, too :) ... oh and for those who really like visuals, another man has put up a YouTube video on how to make one. g-girl highly recommends them:

"In my opinion, the DIY Ice Dildo is a great idea. It’s perfect if you are too embarrassed to go into a sex shop, are running low of funds, are stuck at home suffering from boredom, just want a unique way to cool down on a hot day, or live in a country where sex toys are illegal (they can’t arrest you for this type of ice; “it just happened to freeze in that shape Officer!”) Bring on the Ice Age!"

She also provides "how to" details. With this wonderfully practical tip:

"Please note: If you live with other people (especially parents or the elderly) warn them that you are getting your ‘creative’ juices running and are turning the freezer into a sex shop BEFORE they open the door. (Especially if it is a hot day and they are wanting a icy pole.)"

For those of you wanting "ice play [to] be so much more than sticking an ice cube on your slave's goodies" read this article by Mistress Naia which begins:

"let's freeze your slave's anus until it hurts so much he screams in agony. Let's hold ice on his nipples until those hard nuggets could cut glass, and stand out farther than you've ever seen them before. Cock torture? Clit torture? Tingly, icy, painful arousal?

"Playing with ice is one of those slightly risqué activities that even vanillas sometimes delve into. Because of this, you may think it beneath your own perv-stature to include ice play in your repertoire. It may seem too easy of a punishment, too simple of a pleasure. But ice play is an activity that we BDSM Gods and Goddesses have perfected over the years. Like many simple sex acts, ice play can be turned into a veritable kink art form, if you know how to... play it cool."

You should also find some good play ideas in Fet's ice play group.

WHAT ABOUT FIRE PLAY?:

As Dr Beth told us, fireplay is a very advanced technique and one of the most dangerous types of BDSM play. It should not be attempted without an expert showing you how to do it. Simply reading about it is not enough. The info provided in this post is just to whet your appetite. Here's Peter Masters again:

"Fire play may refer to any of the following:

The use of fire as part of a mind fuck,
Applying a highly volatile liquid such as alcohol) to the skin and then igniting the vapour,
The use of fire or flame in temperature play, or
The flame on a candle used in wax play.

"In addition, fire (or flame) can be used to disinfect needles and blades used in piercing or cutting, respectively. Finally, the flame of a propane torch is commonly used to provide the heat for hot branding"

If you are interested in any of those topics, follow the links. Wiki's fire play page enlarges on this:

"Fire play is usually considered a form of edge play - frequently exciting, but with significant dangers. Unlike other forms of edge play (extreme rough body play, blood play, interrogations, abductions, etc), fire play scenes tend to look kinder and gentler; although it can be dramatic, the sensations inflicted in most fire play scenes aren't actually painful (much like hot wax play or sensation play). Fire play also rarely leaves marks on the skin - though some people deliberately burn the skin slightly to leave it red and irritated. For this reason, some people consider fire play's edge play classification something of a technicality; it's classified as edge play simply because out-of-control flame could result in terrible consequences"

Wiki outlines several fire play techniques, including bouncing ("lit fire wands (sometimes called batons; essentially a small torch) are bounced along the skin. This may or may not involve transfer of burning fuel") and streaking ("fuel is applied directly to the skin (commonly in straight lines, though sometimes in more elaborate patterns), lit, and then extinguished before the skin begins to burn") and fire cupping:

"Fire cupping is a current fad in the fire play community. The air inside a cup (almost always glass) is heated then placed on the skin - the cooling air creates a vacuum and the skin is partially pulled into the cup. Experienced cuppers can create varying strengths of suction by controlling the heat of the cup"

You can read where sol and I tried fire play / cupping here. SehAnru outlines a few more techniques in Up in Flames: The Basics of Fireplay:

"Fire flogging: This is the most common which includes a flogger made out of Kevlar rope/wicks and some have knots at the end of them not only for the stingy factor but also prevents the ropes from coming unraveled...

"Fire Fleshing: This is where designs are made upon your body with the fuel and then set on fire then quickly blown out, wiped out, or smothered with a fire blanket. The tools used for this vary.."

If these techniques press your buttons in good ways there are quite a few good sources online for info on where to find workshops where you can learn these skills, plus further reading matter. Check out the References and Online Resources list at the bottom of this post.

All of this a bit overwhelming? Want something simpler? Let's move on to ....

WHAT'S INVOLVED WITH WAX PLAY?
ISN'T IT DANGEROUS?

"Wax play", says Wiki:

"is a form of sensual play involving warm or hot wax usually dripped from candles or ladled onto a person's naked skin. Wax play may be combined with other BDSM or sexual activity"

Indeed it can *evil grin*. And I agree with Dennis Nagee, who writes:

"Wax play is something that many talk about, and few seem to do, this is always a mystery to me as to why, as when it is done correctly it is a wonderful addition to foreplay and indeed it has many deeper meanings as well, I mean who in their right mind will lay still and let another person drip hot wax all over them if they do not 100% trust them, it can be seen as another step into total submission..."

As I wrote before it's interesting that wax play is a technique that's quite common for new kinksters to try. Norische notes in Candlelight Moments: Basics of Wax Play:

"For many wax play is one of the first experiences within the BDSM realm, this is also the reason that so many people end up getting accidentally hurt. All too often someone is watching a pornographic movie and sees someone drip wax on his or her partner and suddenly they are rummaging through their kitchen cabinets looking for a candle that they can experiment with. “It looked so easy in the movie…” or “The women in the movie seemed to really like it so...” are phrases the emergency room staff have undoubtedly heard time and time again.

"Although most individuals probably make up some story about accidentally dropping a candle on their naked genitals or knocking a candle over and splashing wax all over their bare back as they turned; having worked in an ER I myself heard a few excuses such as these, although you honestly are suspicious about the method of the injury the means is always quite clear. Wax play done improperly can lead to first and second-degree burns, pain and permanent scarring."

She's absolutely right ... it is dangerous. Which is why you have to take wax play seriously and do some homework on it before you play. Because as Matt Nicholson warns in Waxon, Waxoff and Other Japanese Sayings:

"Playing with hot wax can be tons of fun, but you need to remember that hot wax is nothing more than molten chemicals, and molten anything can play havoc with the mood if you don't do it right"

GREAT, THAT QUOTE PUT ME
RIGHT OFF ... SO WHY DO PEOPLE
DO IT?

LOL that last quote got your attention though, didn't it?! People do wax play because it feels amazing ... intense ... erotic. As Shakti confirms in Safe Wax Play:

"It is a very distinctive and unique sensation ... I find the pain from wax to be a unique feeling. Very intense, but concentrated in a very small area. It happens to be one of my favorite kinds of pain play"

It's a lot of fun for both people. I disagree with Dennis Nagee when he writes "The benefits of wax play are mainly for the sub/slave admittedly" but I agree with him when he continues:

"but at the same time it is something that is just one more added attraction to the BDSM lifestyle, the infliction of controlled pain"

That infliction of control pain becomes extremely erotic when you are doing something evil with melted wax. Shevah writes in Wax Play:

"Do not be in a rush to perform wax play … what you put on must be taken off. The sensitivity that wax produces on the skin is unlike anything else and can send your bottom flying. Once the wax is removed, the skin is ultra stimulated and the slightest touch will have him/her squirming..."

But you need to keep in mind that some people consider wax play edgeplay. Here's Shevah again:

"Wax Play can be one of the most tantalizing types of play on the skin that can produce marvelous, stimulating pleasures. But it can also be the cause for an extreme burn if applied improperly. Because of the dangers that are inherent to burning temperatures, some may categorize wax play as “edge play”. By learning basic knowledge and techniques will enable you to safely play with wax. Remember, safety must always be the primary focus when dealing with unpredictable mediums, such as hot wax"

So let's learn some more about this "unpredictable medium".

I'M CONFUSED ABOUT ALL THE
DIFFERENT WAX + CANDLE TYPES

So many people are confused about this, don't worry you are not alone. And with respect even the best articles on how to do wax play seem at first glance to offer very different advice. Some will tell you only to use only one type of wax / candle, others might argue "you can use any candle for wax play as long as you compensate and use the proper precautions" ... and they are correct but you need to actually remember those "proper precautions".

Because you are just starting out here, let's try and simplify things for you... here Peter Masters discusses how to make your candle choice:

"Candles are made from paraffin, stearin, beeswax, soy, gel, or tallow. This is what allows them to burn. Candles commonly have additives which are used to give them different colors, or different scents. Some candles will have designs painted on them.
"All of this means that while you might be able to say, for example, that a pure paraffin candle produces wax at such-and-such a temperature, it's very hard to find a pure paraffin candle. Instead you will find candles labeled as paraffin with various amounts of other chemicals, dyes, and perfumes, which each contribute to change the wax temperature.
"Thus, if you get used to using a certain type of candle with your partner, never assume that a similar looking candle, or even one out of the same box is going to produce the same temperature wax"

So what this means is you have to:

avoid certain types of candles
test everything

We'll talk about both of these things in more detail. First, let's look at types of candle to avoid (this list is in part drawn from here):

Beeswax is the hottest. When you are just starting out avoid beeswax candles. Beeswax burns at a much higher temperature than plain paraffin candles and can cause burns. The melting point is much higher than human skin can comfortably deal with. Some experienced players do use this type of candle (sol loves them) but they can cause second or third degree burns.
Avoid beef tallow candles - wax made from animal fat can be extremely hot and cause burning.
Avoid candles with metallic colors - metal flakes and paint hold very high temperatures and are not recommended for use with wax play unless precautions are taken and you have experience.
Avoid candles with metal wicks - you can end up dripping hot molten metal on the submissive
Avoid gel candles - they are made of a mixture of paraffin and plastic
Perfumes, hardeners, colorants and other additives can, and have, caused serious allergic reactions. You can use some candles with these but you need to put in the extra homework as to which. We'll talk more about these in a sec.
Avoid birthday cake candles - their size and the amount of decoration on them and colorants used makes them burn extremely hot

So what DO you want to use? Peter Masters:

"The safest sort of candle to use for wax play is one which is the same color all the way through and which is completely undecorated."

Dr Beth agrees :

"Paraffin candles burn somewhat cooler than beeswax candles, and so are safer to use. Unscented, undyed candles are also best since there are no additives to alter the melting characteristics"

I'd go with plain 100% paraffin candles, these burn at a safer temperature for hot wax play. Often the best place to find these is on your emergency shelf at home. Many wax play enthusiasts will agree these cheap, white paraffin candles are exactly what you need. Do beware some cheap products, however - avoid the Fetish Fantasy Series Sensual Hot Wax Candles. Mystress Evyl did a review:

"This kit includes 4 white, unscented hot wax candles and a cheap blindfold which is fine if you really do not have one already. Now wax play can be a lot of fun but it really is not a beginner activity. Different waxes give off different heat temperatures so you need to be educated a bit. Here is a little basic info:

Pure paraffin wax melts at around 130 to 135 degrees Fahrenheit. Adding stearine makes the wax harder and melt at a higher temperature. Adding mineral oil makes the wax softer and melt at a lower temperature. Soft candles in glass jars usually have mineral oil in their blend and burn cooler at around 120 degrees Fahrenheit, Pillar candles are mostly paraffin and burn warmer at around 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Taper candles have lots of stearine and burn hotter still at around 160 degrees Fahrenheit.

These are taper candles and they are hot. I tested them on myself in comparison to the soft candles I normally use. What a difference, this kit is not for beginners at all as they were considerably hotter when hitting the skin. Even by dropping the wax at a higher level it barely helped the cooling down. Also I found this wax to solidify on the body in a very thin layer which could not be lifted of but I had to scratch it off.

"I do not recommend getting this kit. Go to the dollar store and get the cheapest paraffin candles they have and you’ll be set. Or get those religious candles too. If you are going to get these I hope you are not a new wax player and make sure to cut the wick down to 1/4 in as they are too long as well"

Avoid!!

What other candles do people suggest for new players? Shakti says:

"My favorites for someone just starting out are the novena candles available in the Hispanic section of most grocery stores (at least those in larger areas). They come in tall glass containers, and you can buy them without the religious pictures. The wax is very cool compared to most others, so a good choice for a first time. Another possibility are the emergency candles sold for times your electricity goes out. They too are usually very low temperature"

Phew ... she agrees with me! Okay, what about all the people making candles for the scene? Their products must be safe? Here's Peter Masters again:

"Some BDSM suppliers will have candles which are designed for wax play. They will be mixed to have a low wax temperature and may be shaped so that they tend not to drip wax on your hand when you're using them (Wax running down the candle onto your hand can lead to unpleasant surprises, minor burns, or dropping the candle and setting something else (like clothing) alight)."

So yes these candles are good ... but the operative word in that paragraph was "low wax temperature". Do you know what that means, and how it may effect your play?

CAN YOU EXPLAIN ABOUT
TEMPERATURES AND
MELT POINTS?

Let's backtrack again for a sec. Have you ever thought about how a candle works? Or how hot a candle flame is? It's worth knowing these things when you engage in this kind of play. Wiki has an excellent page about candles ... have a read. It begins:

"A candle is a solid block of fuel (commonly wax) and an embedded wick, which is lit to provide light, and sometimes heat."

This comes from The Candle Cauldron:

"The exact temperature of a candle flames depends on the material being consumed (burned). First, it is important to understand that a candle does NOT burn the wick (the string). It is the wax that acts as the fuel for the candle flame. The heat of the flame melts the wax, transforming the solid wax into a liquid, which then travels up the wick. (This process is known as capillary action.) Eventually the liquid wax is turned into a gas (like steam from a boiling kettle on the stove) and is consumed by the flame. Different waxes will have different flame temperatures. On average, the maximum flame temperature will be about 2550 deg F. (Remember that water boils at 212 deg F.) "

Basically, the degree of heat from dripping wax varies depends on the materials from which the candle is constructed.

The melting point is the temperature that the wax must be to go from solid to liquid and remain so. Each type of wax has a different melting point. The following table describes different types of waxes, based on their additive content, in what form they might likely be found and their initial melting points:

Wax type	Where Found	Melt Points
Raw paraffin (soft)	canning wax, bulk wax	115° - 126°F
Votive candles (harder)	Barrels, cylinders up to 6 in.	131° - 141°F
Taper-type candles (hard)	Candlesticks, table candles	141°F or higher
Hurricane lamp candles (hard)	See left	154°F or higher
Beeswax (waxy to hard)	Numerous candle styles, bulk	146°F or higher

Let's let the authors who constructed that table continue, in regard to temperature limits:

"Remember our melting point table above? If you spill hot water at temperatures above 140°F on yourself, you will likely get a burn. However, scalding water doesn't stick to the skin, hot wax does. Wax also retains heat, so 140°F and hotter wax is very likely going to create an even nastier burn than water at the same temperature.

"So what temperatures should we consider when we are applying hot wax to a sub's body? As a general rule, the wax temperature at skin contact should never be above about 135°F. At that temperature, fair skin, genital areas and nipples could suffer a first-degree burn. The ideal working temperature at skin contact is generally around 120° - 125°F. It is best, even at this temperature, to test a small spot on the arm on fair-skinned people. Remember, we want the hot wax experience to be an intensely erotic experience vs. an intensely painful one.

Given the above, look at the table again. Although you could use any of the wax types, great care must be exercised not to get wax temperatures when contacting skin above our recommended 120° - 125°F."

Are you clear on that? It's important, but if it's not going into your brain, don't panic, there are ways to play without using these temperatures, primarily through testing everything first. I'll explain later.

WHAT ABOUT COLORED AND PERFUMED CANDLES?

You'll find a lot of sites claim that color and perfume add heat to candles. This has become an area of confusion. In particular some wax players insist that certain colors are hotter ... and it's hard to dispute this when they are the person at the hot end of the scene or are regarded as an expert in the technique. For example:

"color does affect the temperature at which candles melt. Red candles tend to drip hotter than black or white. The way I tell people to think about is, its like wearing a shirt on beach, the darker color the hotter the wax"

And certainly when sol and I have played we have believed we've observed differences, but perhaps that has more to do with other additives other than color or scent. Wiki notes:

"Although there are many web sites that repeat the same advice that color additives make candles burn hotter, actual experiments performed by two different researchers show that this is usually not the case"

Shakti agrees:

"You may see information that says the color of the candle makes a difference, and that is not actually true. Additives do make a difference, but the ones to watch out for are hardeners such as those used in dripless candles. Often the most expensive candles are the ones that burn with the highest degree of heat, for a beginner you will want to start with cheap, paraffin based ones. In my experience whether the candle is white or red or yellow actually makes little difference."

There may also be another reason not to use perfumed candles, as kinkygirl from the BDSM Hall Forum explains:

"The myth is that because most scents are alcohol based that the candles burn hotter, but it doesn't hold in the test run on the candles research done recently on this. But i do not recommend the use of scented candles, unless you really are someone that gets an extra kick from scents. The problems that can be associated with them are headaches, nausea and other interesting reactions. Some really enjoy them. But i would definitely recommend that if you are going to use scented candles for that extra kick - stick to one scent - mixing them can really cause a good thing to be very bad sometimes."

Best thing to do is stick with plain white 100% paraffin candles when you are starting out. But all this links in with why testing every candle before play is important.

Also, anyone that has asthma should only play with unscented candles. They should also have their inhaler with them during the play.

WHY IS TESTING IMPORTANT?

There are three reasons for testing a candle prior to play.

The first reason is to try the candle out on yourself first. Mistress Renee and gunga din say that but to be honest when you are starting out, I'd try EVERY type of candle, including paraffin. Shakti agrees:

"The best way to see how a candle feels is to test it out on yourself. All people do not have the same degree of pain tolerance but it will give you an idea...
"Light the candle and set it aside to burn for a few moments. This will allow a small pool of wax to build up around the burning wick. Once you see a pool there hold your forearm out and holding the candle about a foot from your arm, tip it until one or two drops fall onto your arm. Use the sensitive skin on your wrist or elbow to get a feel for how hot this candle is"

BDSM Education suggests doing this:

"The intensity of the heat depends on the height the candle is held or the height from which the wax is dripped/poured and the type of wax/candle used. Some Dom/me's like to use a crock pot and a ladle for pouring the melted wax over the sub.

"Dom/me's- It is advisable that you test the intensity of the wax on the inside of your wrist, similar to how one checks the temperature of milk from a baby bottle. Hold the candle 10 inches above your wrist and let 1 drop fall, now did you feel-nothing? warmth? hot? burn? Also take note of how long the heat stayed before dissipating. Now repeat from the same height on top of the wax drop already on your wrist, it should be less intense. Now lower the height to 7 inches and drop another drop, does it feel the same as the first drop? nothing? warmth? hot? burn? Now that you have an idea of how the height affects the temperature move to another spot on your wrist that has no wax and try dripping 7 or 8 drops in row rather fast and judge how this feels. A responsible Dom/me should always know what it feels like and what sensations the wax can create for the sub."

Frugal Domme's warning below is another reason to stick with straight white paraffin for a while:

"Any candle may be full of hardeners or covered with acrylic wax to give it a shine. This is dangerous. So, I want you to be very clear on one thing: NEVER USE HOT WAX ON A SUBMISSIVE THAT YOU HAVEN'T TESTED THE TEMPERATURE ON YOUR OWN BODY FIRST. You owe your submissive protection and as much protection from bonehead errors as possible. So you try not to hurt them accidentally.

"I usually test a few drops on the inside of my left arm (I'm right handed) and then raise the candle another foot before I pour. Just to be safe. You may want to use another body part, but make sure it is a body part where temperature is going to feel similar to your target area"

Once you feel comfortable with using plain white paraffin candles on yourself, try different types of candles, and colors. Read the articles in the Reference and Online Resource list on wax play to get an idea what experienced players recommend.

The second reason for pre scene testing is to establish your play partner's pain threshold. Rebel from the BDSM Hall Forum explains:

"As with any BDSM activity if you are doing this for the first time with someone, it is always a good idea to keep checking where they are - some people use a one to ten scale - one being, next to nothing in heat - 10 being it is time to stop. Most experts at candle waxing do not recommend going above a seven - as the scale goes to 10 fast from there. They also do not recommend STAYING at a seven because wax on wax or wax on a previously waxed and removed area is hotter to the "victim" than the original drop was. (i.e., a drip in one area followed by an identical drip in the exact same area - the first could be a four, while the second could be a seven)."

The third reason for testing a candle prior to play is get some practice using it. Every candle is different in how it melts and how it drips, as well as it's burn temperature. The more familiar you are with your candles, the easier your scene will flow. Peter Masters agrees:

"Get some idea of how hot each candle burns and how high you need to hold them in advance. This will make play go much more smoothly and removes the need to test candles while your partner waits"

WHAT IF I CAUSE A BURN?

You are learning new skills so it may happen, although keeping to the right candles (low temperature) will greatly reduce the possibility as their wax won't cause burns.

What you do need to keep an eye on when you start out, is wax puddles or pooling:

"Pooling Hot Wax and Your Intimate Crevices: A drop or two of hot wax on a submissive’s back is totally different than a molten pool of wax gushing down the cleft of their bottom and gathering into a painful, blistered pool on their anus.!"

You need to keep in mind what can cause a burn. BDSM Education:

"What can cause a burn? Things in the wax, scents, perfumes, metal flakes (for sparkling), hardeners, dyes, etc. and the melting point of the wax. The more oil content in the wax, the lower the melting temperature. It makes me giggle every time I hear someone say the best working temperature for wax play is 120°F-125°F test a small spot on your wrist. Since when did we become capable of telling degrees of temperature?

"I think the only real effective way to determine temperature would be a candy thermometer. I would highly suggest if you are going to do pouring or painting on the wax to use a crock pot with adjustable temperature gauge or a candy thermometer to monitor and keep the temperature under your control, exceeding 145°F for pouring/ladle play is probably not wise"

And if a burn does happen you need to be prepared. The BDSM Education site warns:

"If the sub complains that they feel like they are burned, use a damp cloth to cool the area. Do a visual inspection. If you see blisters and they are large seek medical help, you will probably need Silvadine. If small blisters, keep clean and don't pop the blisters. If you see extreme red, apply aloe vera or some other burn relief cream/ointment. Pinkness is usually just a reaction to the wax and is expected."

Read up on how to treat emergency burns, prior to play. You'll find some links in the References and Online Resources list at the bottom of the post, including this one.

SCENE PREPARATIONS

You need to set up a few things to make a wax play scene proceed smoothly. Sure, you can just include a bit of candle play in a longer scene with another focus, but if you really want to have fun with wax, keep these things in mind:

Your playroom should be well ventilated.

Wax play is messy by nature so a ground / plastic sheet underneath your sub is essential to protect furniture and carpet.

Shakti writes "Proper area lighting is important to be able to see the amount of wax you are distributing". If your lighting is poor, use a caving / climbing head torch like we do.

Sheveh writes: "Have all your equipment out and prepared for use. These may include: candles, wax/fondue pot, matches or long lighter, mineral/baby oil, paint brushes, ladle, thermometer, knife, plastic scraper, flea comb, drip plate, paper towels, rags, ice, and wet towel, trash can"

Make sure you include your first aid kit with your equipment. Remember to discuss possible injuries. You should both be going into the scene with the expectation that there may be some 2nd degree burns.

Because you are playing with fire there are some other good scene preparations and precautions:

Make sure you are playing on a flat surface. Trying to keep candles upright on bedclothes (for one example) is a really bad idea... you could use a metal tray on the bed like I do, but make sure the items placed on it are not too tall to overbalance

A small fire extinguisher will reassure your sub. Here's shakti: " I always have something nearby just in case a fire does get started, after all, if you have a bound and helpless person under your care, you will want to do your best honor their trust. A small fire extinguisher is not that expensive. At the very least a container of water and something to use smothering the fire should be nearby"

Note that last line of Shakti's: "at the very least a container of water and something to use smothering the fire should be nearby". Some wet towels, perhaps? A bowl of ice provides both help from burns / flames plus has kinky potential

Don't wear acrylic or polyester clothing. Norische: "Whenever you are using a lit candle make sure that you do not have on acrylic or polyester clothing, if wax gets on these fabrics it can cause the fabric to melt to your skin. Also make sure that you do not have long sleeves that may catch fire or be dipped in the vat by accident"

Make sure you have something to light the candles with. Peter Masters points out "a cigarette lighter might seem like a good idea, but sometimes they can be finicky, particularly if it's dark or your hand or fingers are wet or covered in lube. Maybe have another lit candle in a holder which you use to light the wax-dripping candles"

Nawa Shibari has lots of excellent advice in The art of japanese rope bondage - Part 9 Complementary techniques wax play:

"For safety purposes always have a fire-extinguisher or some water available, because the use of open fire - even a small candle flame - can cause unexpected mishaps.
"Before using candles please remove all lingerie. Most lingerie (and other clothing) has at least a small amount of nylon or other artificial substances in it. These will either melt or burn very easily. This also happens extremely easy to cheap pvc and patent leather kinky clothing.

"Another thing that is often overlooked are the risks of ........ HAIRSPRAY! Numerous women use hairspray, often without really taking notice and they are quite likely not to inform the dominant about it, since it is so natural. However, it is also extremely inflammable. That is ONE good reason to stay clear of the head (accidentally dripping wax in the eyes is another).

"And while we are on the subject, if your bedroom is also your play area and you are planning to use open fire, check what is close to the bed. Perfume bottles are potential risks and so are all aerosols. Make sure all that is out of the way when you are planning to use candles in active power exchange play"

PREPARING YOUR SUBMISSIVE

Let's look at preparing your submissive physically first.

Their body needs to be clean. The old "should you shave your sub??" debate rages on... Here's Mistress Renee and gunga din:

"Should your sub be shaved? If you intend to get that wax into those fun extra sensitive areas, it is a good idea. Pulling those pubes out by the roots while taking off the dried wax can be less than consensual pain. Course maybe you are into Epiladys. But we will not go there in this article. Again, this is a matter of choice. However, please make note that cold wax is difficult to remove from hair."

Personally I prefer a shaved skin working surface, but really it's up to you if you own your sub, or your play partner if they are unowned. You should check prior to play whether your play partner even wants their genitals included in play, it's off limits for some people. Master Shadow suggests for those who are not shaved:

"a slight amount of Vaseline will keep the wax from sticking to hairs [in the pubic area], unless you want the thrill of pulling pubic hairs trying to get the wax loose. I made this mistake, once....."

Quite a few enthusiasts suggest oiling your sub's body prior to play. Norische writes:

"Using an oil on the skin prior to wax play will help prevent the wax from sticking to the skin, and body hair (if any is present) it also makes clean up much easier. When you use oil however make sure you allow for a longer cooling time and that you monitor the skin closely. If the skin is warm to the touch then but there is no visible discoloration, it is safe to continue. If the skin is pink and warm to the touch, I suggest use caution and slow down a little. If the skin is bright pink or red and hot to the touch then stop immediately and apply a cool compress to the skin, do not put ice directly to the burn, as it may cause additional tissue damage."

While Shakti notes:

"some people advocate oiling the skin before you drop the wax, this makes cleanup especially areas with hair, as in pubic areas or the chests of some males. This will make the clean up much easier, as the wax does not adhere, but you must remember the oil will make the wax seem a bit hotter, and you cannot do the trick with the pulling away of the wax."

What about preparing your sub psychologically? Certainly watching you set up the play space and then being shaved and oiled will start your sub's journey into the zone! I also think Peter Masters raises some interesting points in this post about the sensations the dominant should be aiming to make their sub feel during the scene:

"There are a number of interesting sensations and feelings involved in this:
When you're blindfolded or when the wax is being dripped on your back, there can be a lot of tension or apprehension as you wait for the next drop of hot wax. How hot will it be? Will it be a single drop or will your partner pour a stream of wax on you? Where will they let it fall?
The sudden feeling of heat or burning can be a shock and quite intense.
Feeling the individual drops set, or a pool of wax cool and solidify on your skin.
Feeling your partner scrape the wax off your skin

Discuss your fiendish plans with your sub ... or not .... watch their breathing alter as their anticipation levels rise.... you might also like to blindfold your sub before play. Apart from building anticipation, as Shakti points out:

"Many people find that being tied and blindfolded during wax play heightens the sensations, not knowing where the next drop will fall, and being unable to move away from it can add a great deal to the erotic sensations."

For opposite views of blindfolds see here or my scene with sol below.

WHERE CAN I PUT THE WAX?

Good question. Here's Shakti again:

"Where to begin dropping the wax is mostly a matter of preference. But I would recommend, especially in the beginning, starting on the belly or back ... I have found in my experience that some of the most sensitive areas on both sexes are the inner thighs, the area of the belly that joins the hip, the nipples, and the genitals. I begin in a less sensitive area, moving to an occasionally drop on a highly sensitive one"

What about other places? Frugal Domme:

"I would suggest that you NOT use it on the head and face. Both because of the chances of burning, and because getting it in the hair of your sub can be a pain in more than a pleasurable way to remove"

Norische agrees:

"Never do wax play above the shoulders, there is too great a risk of burning the eyes, or getting wax in the mouth or nose, this may lead to choking or asphyxiation. Some believe that if you put fabric or a hood over the face that you can proceed with the wax play, I personally find the risk still to great. The breast and genitals can be included in wax play as long as you remember that this skin is highly sensitive and the healing time for a burn in these areas are painful and may last for an inconveniently long time"

Norische also reminds us to:

"keep in mind that different parts of the body can stand different levels of heat"

Master Shadow:

"The usual targets are vagina, ass, including the crack, nipples, stomach, and anyplace that's sensitive".

Nawa Shibari has some interesting ideas to share, here:

"One specific play form requires a bit of extra attention. Quite a few Shibari Nawashi use candle wax to seal off the vagina and or the anus as a temporary chastity measure or to temporary block the possibility to use the bathroom (especially useful after an enema). In the event you are planning to this, please never do this with fully molten wax. What you do is drip some wax on a saucer and leave it there to half-cool and next apply it in that area by hand. It will still seal off the area you are planning in the form of a plug, but it will not burn the sensitive inner tissue. Also, no matter how many times you see this in porn movies, do not try to drip wax directly into the vagina or anus (what you see in the movies is a trick shot using yoghurt). Doing that is outright dangerous.
"Combining hot candle wax with ice cubes (or drips of ice water) will intensify the effects dramatically. The difference between hot and cold will dazzle the mind"

HOW DO I APPLY THE WAX?

First, let's look at the safety issues involved with application, and then we can start discussing all the interesting ways wax can be applied. Remember, how you apply your wax in part will depend on the position of your sub. A horizontal position is definitely a good one to start.

Candles come in Tapers (which are usually dripless) and Pillars, Votives, Tealights, Containers and wax pots (all which drip). Shevah writes:

"Tapers are easy to apply, you just let them drip. But you need to keep in mind that because the wax is coming directly from the flame, no pooling is allowed to form (cooling), thus producing the highest temperature of all the candles; therefore extreme care should be taken when using them. To keep them high above your sub to start.

"Pillar candles can take any shape and size but always form in an equal diameter. Melted wax is allowed to pool in the surrounding area of the wick, allowing cooling of the wax. Nearest to the wick can be a temperature as high as 250°F as it is drawn up into the wick for fuel. As wax moves away from the flame (about 1¼”), it pools and the radiant temperature cools to about 140°F. From 1¼” to 1½” away from the flame, the wax can cool to 127°F.

"There are many ways to apply the wax onto the body that depends on the type of candles used. Safe temperatures to use when applying wax are 110°F - 139°F depending upon preparation within the scene"

To start, Rebel makes this great suggestion:

"When you drip wax on a person do so at a height of about 18 inches - and start by dripping it through your own fingers at first to judge the waxes temperature"

Shakti:

"Drop a few drops and carefully note your partner's reaction. You can vary the heat of the drops by holding the candle lower or higher. Again, make sure you have a good idea of just how hot this is. Burns, especially on sensitive tissue are not usually much fun."

Master Shadow:

"Hold the candles about three feet from the spot you intend to drip wax on, and drip, do not pour, at least until you get used to the sensation"

Norische:

"If you are using a hotter wax, simply increase the distance from the candle to the skin when dripping it onto the body. I always test the wax on myself prior to dripping it onto my slave/sub, this way I will be aware of the level of pain and or pleasure that should be expected. Normally I start the candle out at around 36 inches above the skin, and slowly lower it every few drops until I get the desired affect"

Once you are feeling confident about how your first wax has been received by your sub, it's time to think of all the ways you can apply wax to their skin:

You can keep dripping it...
You can splash and swirl it ...
You can pour it...
You can paint it on with a brush ... apart from pretty designs the brush bristles will send your play partner wild
You can ladle it on with spoon or ladle....
You can use feathers to apply it to the skin....
You can lay on wax covered gauze or material ... Norische: "by using gauze or material, simply dip the gauze or fabric in the wax and gently lay it directly on the skin, when the wax cools you can add another layer of gauze or fabric or you can simply pour more wax directly onto the material."

You can use your own hands and fingertips ... Shevah:"For a full hands on play, use your own hands, cupped, to scoop up the wax and spread it onto the skin of your partner. Having your hands sensually exploring, pinching, and rubbing, may just allow for other types of enjoyment."

The possibilities are endless :)

We'll look at these and more advanced techniques, but here's Shevah with some lovely ideas:

"If you are going to use different types of candles, it is best to have a layer of pure paraffin on the skin first as a barrier layer. This will diffuse the heat over a larger area.
Give time between drops to allow that wax to cool and the bottom to react to the sensations. Placing a wax drop on top of another drop creates a penetrating deep heat and requires a longer cooling period, so take your time. Apply a steady series of drops and spread the drops out around the entire area. Rotate candles around while dripping so they burn evenly.
Be creative and have fun by applying various layers of color & designs. Let your bottom be your canvas, the candles the pallet, and you the artist. Pillar candles’ pool of wax is what is useful for wax play and should be allowed to regenerate as often as needed. To apply, hold the lit candle directly over the body and tilt it to drip the pooled wax while moving it over the body. Wait for the sweet exhaling sigh.
Taper candles require much more care while using because they burn at a much higher temperature. The old school thought is to adjust the height of the drop by raising your arm & varying the distance. This allows the drop of wax to cool as it falls downward hitting your target. Latest tests show that the degree of cooling is so negligible that this method is not needed. Besides, dripping wax from those distances causes splashing of wax everywhere; getting onto clothes, hair, face, shoes and surrounding areas. Skip all the mess, build your protective barrier layer of wax first and then have fun sending your bottom into ecstasy..."

You might ask : when do we apply the wax? Mistress Renee and gunga din have the perfect answer:

"Wax is a scene intensifier. That is, when you are in a scene and you want that sub of yours to go straight into, or deeper into, subspace, or even into a serious orgasmic phase, hot wax is a great way to do it."

DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES - DRIPPING

Dripping is a great way to start:

"Drip little bits of wax at varying heights and areas of the body to help the submissive get into headspace and to help build up a tolerance. Go for a steady series of drops. Rotate the candles around while dripping so it burns evenly or a smooth pour from the larger candles. Gradually lower the candle to see the effect. Constantly, drip the wax at various heights and different areas. Different areas of the body may not be able to tolerate as much as other areas i.e. private sensitive areas. Make various designs. You can create beautiful artwork, using a naked body as the canvas. Use your imagination. But remember pooling is bad, so if you have a pool of wax, dump if off on the ground, or blow out the candle, let it cool off, and re-light it. Also remember that if you drop wax on top of wax, it will hold the heat in and possibly cause burns, so be careful when you layer"

Mistress Renee and gunga din:

"This is probably the most popular way of applying hot wax to a submissive. The wonderful moans, the delicious squirms of your submissive as s/he reacts to each delightful drop of hot wax makes dripping a favorite for many Tops/Dom/mes"

Rebel suggests the "Single/Double/Triple/Quad Dripping" technique:

"A single candle drips at a rate of about one drip per three seconds. IF you take two candles, one in each hand (double drip) and circle the flames over and under each other you increase the drips by 3 fold. If you hold two candles in one hand and done in the other (triple drip) you increase the drips 9 fold, and so on and so on. Multiple candle dripping takes practice, caution is recommended as you can be easily burned and you can misjudge where the flame of one hits the wrong spot of another..."

DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES - POURING

BDSM Digest:

"Jar candles are nice you can get a lot of wax in a little time. You can pour it on slowly or cover them with a large amount at one time. BDSM waxplay jar candles does not stick to hair, so this is good for hairy male submissive or female that does not shave down below. You can use all types of fun stuff to get the wax on the submissive from a coffee cup, turkey baster, spoon, paint brush (don’t use anything that you will want to use later ) also you can pour it into cup"

Mistress Renee and gunga din:

"Pouring is probably the riskiest of techniques as temperature is extremely critical when pouring wax. However, this is also probably equal in intensity to painting, which we will discuss soon. Pouring little streams of hot wax onto a prone sub so that little rivulets of hot wax run down the sides and between the legs is a joyful sight to see, and hear, indeed! And pouring is most certainly going to put that slutty plaything into the deepest of dives. Pouring, if you take the time, can result in a near body cast of your subject.."

DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES - PAINTING

Mistress Renee and gunga din:

"hot wax painting can be an expression in both intense erotic sensation and art. Hot wax painting combines the intensity of hot wax with the sensation of brush bristles at the target site simultaneously. You can create beautiful artwork, using a naked body as the canvas. Hot wax painting has been observed to drive many subs into deep subspace and just as many into intense orgasms. Beautiful casts of tender parts can be created, for instance, boy-toys genitals can be brush cast, the wax form carefully removed, and the now mold can be filled with water and frozen to make a nice ice dildo for later use"

See, I told you that "how to make an ice dildo" link would prove useful :) Caged Heart Publishing writes:

"Painting delicious wax graffiti on your lover is amazingly erotic! From paintbrushes to feathers, Q-tips to eye droppers, try painting your name or simple scrolls and designs. I’ve had a Celtic dragon and the word “MINE” on my back, a Wheel of life and a stained glass look ‘window’ among other fun things"

Rebel suggests that:

"Painting [be] done with a simple paintbrush used for house painting. If you are painting to make a mold - use at least four layers to start - and add on from there."

Remember:

natural fibre paint brushes only!
to test the temp of the wax and
adjust the proper height before application on any body

Here's an excellent cautionary tale from Norische's submssive betsy:

“My first experience with wax play was not a good one. My 1st Dominant was unfortunately for me a wanna be Dom. He had decided that wax play sounded good, but he had no experience with wax at all. He went down to Wal-Mart and bought a box of the Gulf Wax brand paraffin, and an acrylic paintbrush, this should have immediately told me he was inexperienced. He brought over a cheap aluminum pot and melted the wax and stirred it with the acrylic paintbrush, leaving the acrylic paintbrush sitting in the melted wax.

"My first taste wax play was the brush being taken directly from the pan and whapped on my breast; he allowed the brush to lay against my skin for about a minute. I ended up with a first degree burn over one third of my left breast, the area was red for over a week and remained tender to the touch for about the next three weeks!

" After the initial damage was done, he proceeded to paint my breast with the brush, adding layer upon layer of wax; not realizing that by layering the wax it was actually holding in the heat and not allowing the skin to cool down between layers. This Dom made three big mistakes.

"First acrylic is plastic and melts, so when he left the paintbrush in the pan it was actually melting it and mixing it with the wax. Second, he did not test the temperature on himself first; he laid the brush on my breast without draining the excess wax from the brush or even checking to see how hot it was. Third, he layered the wax without thinking about how hot it would get. What could have and should have been a wonderful sensual scene turned into a disaster. Needless to say – i lost trust for this Dominant rather quickly.”

Funny, that!

MORE ADVANCED TECHNIQUES:
USING WAX WARMING POTS /
FONDUE POTS ETC

Techniques like painting on your sub are obviously going to require a lot of wax, and for your wax to be prepared in a different manner than via a candle. This is where people start using things like beauty parlor wax warmers,crock pots, fondue pots or any kind of cooker where you can control the exact temperature. One useful comment from the Kinky Ever After blog:

"Not all crock pots are created equal. Tread with caution. We've found that it's best to turn it on and melt the wax and then unplug it once the wax is the right temperature. The wax should be well stirred, as there will be hot and cool spots if you don't mix it well..."

Interestingly some of these containers keep the wax cooler than usual, which might make them a useful option if your play partner can't tolerate much heat. Here's Peron:

"The coolest to start with are actually the wax warmers used in beauty parlors for waxing (hair removal), that wax melts somewhere between 90 and 110 degrees. Next on the list are the parafin baths used for arthritis suffers, that also melts at a lower degree of temperature around what the beauty was melts at. Most taper type candles burn at 120 degrees and beeswax burns at 180 degrees"

With this amount of wax available you can dip a paint brush into the melted wax and then applying it to the skin. Crock pots / fondue pots are also useful for this next technique:

MORE ADVANCED TECHNIQUES:
WAX CRAYONS

When I mentioned to friends that I was writing this post, a lot referred me to Grendelkhan's famous - and stunning - 2004 wax play photo of Lady Byron, which features a wax play scene created using Crayola wax crayons.

In a scene like this the wax crayons are being used to add color. We've gone through above why sometimes using colored candles is not a good idea ... which begs the question: how does one actually color wax? Shivah writes:

"Two different processes are used to color Wax. One is a dye, which dissolves and mixes with the oil in the wax. The other is a pigment, a fine powder that does not dissolve. Regardless of the color of wax, the wick will “pump” the same amount of fuel into the flame of the candle. Therefore, neither Dye nor Pigment affects the amount of time the candle will burn.

"Unless you buy your candles direct from a manufacturer or make your own, you do not know if pigment was used. Therefore, it makes good practice to use pure paraffin as the first coating on the skin. One problem with pigments and heavy oils in candles is that the fine powder can get stuck in the fibers of the cotton wick and clog it up. Once this happens, the wick cannot carry as much liquid wax up to fuel the flame. With less fuel delivered, less flame (smaller and dimmer) will be produced. In some cases the oil clogs the wick so much that after a while the candle ceases to burn at all"

It all sounds very complicated, but as Shivah notes there are easier solutions:

"An easy way to add color to plain wax is to add a crayola crayon to the wax pot"

I'd not heard this before, but once I knew to look out for it, this advice appears quite often in "how to" articles about wax play. Here's Norische:

"If you are wanting more color and don't want to risk using a colored candle, try melting a crayon in the wax, it will add color but will not raise the melting point of the wax"

Elvenkind wrote on an IC thread:

"If your in a playful, artistic mood, you can always melt down some crayola crayons, oil up your sub and drip the wax to make mould of whatever you want to ... the wax slides off making a perfect shape ... awesome on tits"

And this, from another article:

"Crayolas, like your average crayon, are not made from 100% wax, and will leave a residue on the skin that is sticker than you’ll be used to. Ways to work around this: melt Crayolas into your regular wax to keep the colour with less stickiness, or rub the area with oils before you start for easier removal.

"Because crayons are designed for children, they are nontoxic, so you needen't worry about toxicity. However not all crayons are created equal, and the additives in one brand of crayons may cause an unintended reaction with your skin"

That last line is VERY important. There are a few references online about crayon brands that work well for wax play. danae from within Reality wrote, after taking part in wax play demos, that:

"Crayola crayons - they are the best to use as cheaper brands tend to have plastic in them and certain dyes both of which can dramatically increase the temperature to levels higher then desired"

Crayola are the most commonly named brand by people online ... and look at these amazing colors:

8 pack (1908)		+8 = 16 pack (1924)		+8 = 24 pack (1973)
Red	Orange	Carnation Pink	Red Orange	Violet Red	Scarlet
Yellow	Green	Yellow Orange	Yellow Green	Dandelion	Green Yellow
Blue	Violet (purple)	Blue Green	Blue Violet	Cerulean	Indigo
Brown	Black	Red Violet	White	Apricot	Gray

Over in the UK pplatinumpussy writes of her crayon based wax play:

"We achieve the colours with Tesco crayons, in ordinary light some are glittery and the colours are good, but under black light they are awesome as they glow in the dark!!"

Okay, we have some ideas re what works in the UK and North America, so go to it, you lot! Of course this is no confirmation that brands with similar names in Australia are made from the same materials. So looks like I'll need to do more research :)

The idea is to melt the crayons in your crockpot or fondue pot to reproduce their marvelous colors. Re technique, you can splash and drip like Grendelkhan's famous photo of Lady Byron, paint like Picasso or Jackson Pollock ... or, what about this technique suggested by Sindra van Yssel:

"The really big fat Crayola crayons can be dipped in flame, so that just the end melts, and then used to write on a body with melted-but-not-super-hot-wax, if you like the art but don't like the paintbrushes. It's slow, and requires a lot of patience. And I wouldn't let it get in the flame enough to drip, because I think the drip would be a hotter than paraffin and unsafe. Done with just a dash through the flame, tho, it's non burning.."

Lots of ideas ... and as danae outlines, crayon / wax play can be done cheaply:

"When I want to Wal-mart I bought: Crayola crayons - they are the best to use as cheaper brands tend to have plastic in them and certain dyes both of which can dramatically increase the temperature to levels higher then desired. The crock pot (which was $9.95) and paraffin. You might want to check your local craft store to see if you can get a large block of paraffin which works out to be cheaper as we got a 10-pound block for $8"

MORE ADVANCED TECHNIQUES:
COMBINING WAX PLAY WITH
OTHER TYPES OF BDSM

Wax play is a great technique to use in conjunction with other types of BDSM play.

Bondage, for example. Lots of rope bondage enthusiasts enjoy it. Here's Nawa Shibari:

"Probably the most popular complementary Shibari technique is wax play: dripping candle wax on the body in some way. The occasional drop of hot candle wax can be extremely erotic or work as a short, sharp pain impulse. But, like everything else - if given half a chance the Shibari Nawashi will take the technique a few steps further."

You can also add wax play to any other scene featuring non rope forms of restraint. We restrain sol for our wax play scenes with cuffs, carabinars and a home made leg spreader bar. Peter Masters suggests:

"With mummification, cut holes in the wrap to allow the wax to be dropped directly onto the bare skin".

You can also of course combine various forms of temperature play, so for example combine wax play with ice play. Dr Beth explains why this is so effective:

"When heat and cold are used together in a scene the feelings are much more intense, because alternating hot and cold sensations can confuse the nerves. Hot and cold nerve endings respond to differences from body temperature, but when rapidly repeated changes in temperature are administered to an area, these calculations can become wildly inaccurate. The bottom may feel as if they are being subjected to incredibly high degrees of heat and cold Ñ or both at once -- and pain nerves may be recruited as well, even though the skin is not burning."

Here are some practical ideas. MorTis writes:

"when I do wax play, I cant have the fire without the ice! so usually when I play, I will rub down the skin with ice, which cools the skin, and leave water pools, which help cool off the hot wax faster, but makes the hot wax feel a little hotter because of temperature contrast even though its cooler at the point! great for play. So usually I will ice, keep ice cube in one hand, and a dripping candle in the other hand, and follow up a second later with the ice cube! that way you know you victim will not get burned, and gets the effect! ... ice on, wax on, ice off!"

Frugal Domme writes:

"note that a sub who is naked, bound, blindfolded, etc is going to experience the temperature as being higher than you will. This is good. You get more mileage from lower temperature being perceived as being higher than it is. And if you combine wax play with ice play, you can give them the feeling that their skin is being burned off without getting them more than pink. Mind games are the best games."

Norische describes a magical "fire and ice" scene in her article on wax play:

"I used a ladle to pour wax directly onto his lower abdomen ... I let the wax run down his stomach onto his crotch and begin to pool between his legs. As he became more comfortable with the heat, I began to poor the wax directly onto his genitals, from his facial expressions I could tell there was some discomfort there but nothing he couldn’t handle.

"The next thing I did is where the sedition comes in, as soon as I poured a ladle of wax on him I dumped a handful of snow on his crotch right behind it. Back and forth between hot and cold, over and over again he had goose bumps and was sweating all in the same moment. I never allowed the snow to make direct contact with the skin for more than a few seconds but the effect was dramatic. I ended by scrapping the wax from his body by using a very dull knife (basically the equivalent of a butter knife). The entire experience was extremely exhilarating and enjoyable for both of us"

I adore that woman. What a mind. She should be made a National Treasure of BDSM. Tenderdom also enjoys fire and ice combinations:

"Ice is another good thing to add.. a little fire and ice. One idea is take the ice in your hand and let it melt and drip on to the submissive.. they feel something hit their skin and they are expecting heat and their mind goes noooo wait a minute … it's a very nice mind fuck . Another idea is to take a piece of ice and wax it on to the body or cut a little piece of the wax and slide it into the hole. Then when it melts they get a rush of cold water and its a lot like the votives, another fun thing to do is to put a piece of ice next to a votive, the submissive will never know what they are going to get fire or ice !!!!!"

ENDING THE SCENE IDEAS

Sadly, at some point the scene must end. But there's no reason why removing the wax should be part of post scene clean up. Make it part of the scene! Here's BDSM Digest:

"Removing the wax can be just as erotic and full of sensation as the actual waxing. This can also be a very fun part of the scene. As it pulls away from the skin, the sensation is again intense, and running a feather or fingernails or even a tongue over this sensitized skin is a very sexy way to prolong the waxing session. It is easiest to use a comb held sideways to scrape off the wax. Beat it off, if you going to do a flogging after a waxing, you will beat most of it off. After removing the majority of the wax, try using a knife to scrape the wax off or rubbing with baby oil. Do not use a sharp knife to do this. The skin is very sensitive once the wax is removed. There will be reddening of the skin but this should clear up in a few hours at the most"

Shakti suggests:

"Peeling bits of wax off, is almost as much fun as dropping it. As it pulls away from the skin, the sensation is again intense, and running a feather or fingernails or even a tongue over this sensitized skin is a very sexy way to prolong the 'waxing' session...

"I have seen people use vampire gloves or those pet brushes sometimes used for sensation play, as an easier way to take the wax off, they work well, and do add another twist to your session"

Shevah also has some great suggestions for wax removal that will extend your scene:

"Using a wet ice cube to chill the wax on the skin is an easy way to remove wax. It is also a nice double sensation of mediums.

"To peel the wax off, use a knife, scraper, or a fine edge to loosen the edges and then grab it with your fingers and gently pull the wax over itself. Knife play is a wonderful mix with wax play. Removing wax with a knife brings new meaning to the “hold still” whispered in the ear. It can be tricky running a very sharp knife blade over the curves and bumps of the body. Unlike regular knife play where usually the tip of the blade is used, you need to use a wider portion of the sharp edge against the skin. It is best to tilt the blade at an angle while scraping it over the skin. Also, hold more of the blade in your hand rather than just the handle to provide better control. Depending on your skills with knives, you can just as easily use a plastic knife or a butter knife that has a dull edge. Hint: You can chill the knife beforehand, but make sure you wet the knife in water first.

"A plastic scraper is useful to get the small areas of wax left over on the skin. The scrubbie will also get off the small bits of wax remaining by gently rubbing it over the skin. To get wax out of hair, use a flea comb. It is not a good idea to use a leather flogger or whip to remove wax – it gets everywhere and also on your expensive toy. Besides, you just gave a pleasurable, relaxing, sensual, erotic, and luxurious play scene. Leave the stingy ouchies for another time"

Afterwards Shevah suggests:

"Rubbing lotion or cream (that does not contain alcohol) on the now delightfully sensitive area that you just removed wax, is a wonderful way to end the scene – touching, caressing, and massaging"

More seriously, Shevah also notes:

"Do not disregard the aftercare that may be required to help your bottom recover and transition to a self-sustaining state"

And this is important ... do make sure you double check your play partner's aftercare requirements prior to play.

POST SCENE CLEAN UP

If you've not included things like ground sheets (or old shower curtains) in your scene preparation, then post scene clean up can be a major job. But if you've used one you can quickly get rid of quite a lot of the mess! pplatinumpussy has some excellent suggestions:

"Its a messy business, wear old clothes for the pourer and naked for the victim We bought some tarp from B&Q, its the taking off that's the messy bit as it flies everywhere, so make sure its a large sheet, it bungs up your hoover, so dustpan and brush and I'm told that ironing over it with brown paper removes it from most fabrics if scraping fails. We also use a horse grooming rubber brush from Tescos, to brush down the skin afterwards."

Also:

"Remember to clean your equipment while the wax is still warm, cos its a bugger when it gets too cold"

If you are using wax warmers or fondue pots, Shevah warns:

"Do not re-use any wax you have taken off of skin. It is contaminated with skin flakes, oils, and dirt. If wax got on your clothing, boil them in a large pot to release the wax from the fabric. Any wax left in your hair will easily come off by showering with a conditioner."

SAMPLE SCENE:
MS160 AND SOL HAVE A GO

We negotiated a scene where I'd try different types of candles on sol's cock and balls. We'd use only paraffin candles, but of different types (tapers / tea lights) and different temperatures. We'd also try a colored candle specially made for wax play.

You'll remember some sources suggested getting all your stuff together before you start? Well I put everything on my metal tray ... yes I know, the damned tray gets used all the time in different scenes but it's useful!

This time the tray has on it:

Japanese red paraffin wax (low temperature) candle
white household paraffin candles
paraffin tea light candles (hot)
tweezers
matches and lighter
Soov Gel for instantly treating any small burns
empty glass to balance lit candles in
square piece of cardboard (from the tea light box) (not in photo)
toy made from sol's old leather belt (not in photo)

I lit the tea candles at the beginning of the scene and left them to melt:

I find tea lights / candles very useful. Some people don't advise using them, for example Shevah finds:

"Tealights – poured into thin metal cups using paraffin wax. Pooling does not occur and therefore the temperature can be 136°F or higher. Better used as ambiance to a room rather than for wax play. "

But I'm with Master Shadow :

"I use tea candles, usually paraffin, and small enough for single use, although I DO go through about 5 or 6 during a scene, but that's just me"

I'm the same :). Once the tea lights are melted I use the tweezers to extract the remains of the wick and lift the hot tin container up so I can pour the melted contents into the empty glass on my tray and make a sort of melted votive style candle.

We then prepared the bed with several layers of sex towels (towels that are fine for a few stains) :

Having said earlier "don't play on a bed" I should explain that our bed is a thin mattress on a wooden platform, so it's very stable.

I also absolutely agree about putting down plastic or a shower curtain if you are planning to place wax on lots of body areas. However in our case we were concentrating only on the genitals.

As sol likes to be restrained we attached his cuffed wrists to restraint points above the bed:

And attached his cuffed ankles to a home made spreader bar:

As I wrote before, it can be fun to blindfold your sub, and I do recommend that if you are just starting out (it gives the dominant a lot more confidence as well as increasing intensity for the sub) but in this case I wanted sol to see what was coming. Chris agrees:

"I mentioned blindfolds as a way to increase the intensity earlier but my own experience is quite the opposite. I like the submissive to watch with her eyes wide as the liquid wax builds up at the top of the candle and my hand moves that candle all over her restrained body. Where will the next drop fall? The belly, the breast, the thighs, the mons, the nipple, the labia? Mmm, the possibilities."

Keeping in mind Dr Beth's comment that:

"Skin which has been flogged or spanked to increase the blood flow to the surface will be more sensitive to temperature sensations. This is the skin equivalent of turning up the volume"

we began the scene with a little cock and ball strapping, with a toy made from sol's old leather belt:

I then placed a square piece of cardboard (from the tea light box) under sol's cock to help with pooling and drips on the skin below. I had several other pieces ready to use in other spots.

I then lit the red Japanese candle. This had been a birthday present from MissDee to sol and

we keep it for special occasions. It's a low temperature paraffin candle so was a nice way to start.

I pulled sol's foreskin forward and began dripping the candle wax onto his cock:

He made happy sighing noises....

For a quick detour I moved up to his nipples. See how well the cardboard catches stray drips?

I really liked the way the Japanese wax peels off easily, leaving any attached hair behind:

I then returned to sol's genitals, dripping over the balls and pouring over the cock head:

I then lit a white paraffin candle:

I peeled back some of the red wax on sol's cock and dripped white wax onto the sensitive head:

The white paraffin candle was definitely hotter and sol gasped.

I spent some time dripping the white candle, and then observed my tea light candles were all melted. Yippee! I blew out the wicks, then picked up the tweezers, removed the wicks and poured each of the hot metal containers into the clear glass on my tray.

This left me with a nice glass full of melted wax:

Can you see how it's already solidifying in the photo above? I had to move quickly...

I poured wax over sol's cock head:

And worked my way down to his balls, holding a piece of cardboard in my other hand to catch as many stray drips as I could:

You can see how pools and puddles have still formed:

Here's the final application of wax:

Sol really enjoyed this. We admired my handiwork for a while and then I decided to give peeling the wax off as part of the scene a go. The white wax was harder to peel off than the softer red wax, but soon it was piled on the cardboard:

I had thought of doing some more flogging or corporal punishment with sol's leather belt at this point, as several writers recommended it.

However I decided whipping off the last of the wax would be really messy to clean up.

I then allowed sol to masturbate and (being in a very good mood after all this) even allowed him to come:

Clean up was very easy, well it probably took sol more time to wash than me to clean up!

Later in bed we agreed it had been a really interesting and informative afternoon. We'd learned lots about different types of candles, and enjoyed playing around with temperature levels. I also really enjoy this kind of sensation play - there are so many variables so endless things to keep me amused ... shall I pour from high or low ... shall I add color and make pretty patterns ... shall I focus on increasing pain ... endless fun :)

SAMPLE SCENE:
WAX PLAY WITH A FEMALE SUBMISSIVE

Iona from sapioslut is on Kinky Sex Link with me and I very much enjoy reading her posts there. Especially this recent one about her first experience with wax play...

"Once upon a time there was a girl who liked to have a little tuft of pubic hair. Suitably cropped, that bit of fluff did something for her: it was a good thing. Until her first experience of wax play…
"We put out towels, lots of towels, and a circular tin with little lavender candles around the edge. There was a good reason this tin was round, but I didn’t appreciate it until later. The candles were lit and began to melt.

"He sat beside me on the bed, stroked my body, picked up the first candle and held it high in the air as he tipped it gently. Ping went the heat as it hit my skin. James put that one down and picked up the next one: again high in the air, and tipped until the liquid spattered onto my thigh.

"He put the candle back, turned the tin lid and picked up the third one. This one went splashing down my labia. Oh my god! Ping, ping, ping – but oh so warm. It was interesting to feel how quickly the intense heat dissipated.

"He kept this up, each candle a new experience. I discovered that the first splashes on bare skin are edgy for me, but once there’s a layer of wax it is like tiny little hot towels – only better.

"The shape of the lid made sense! It was like a mini Lazy Susan for candles. It meant that he could just rotate the tin to get the next longest burning candle, and a continuous supply of melted wax.

"Then it was time to start cleaning up. Oh my god, the hair. How is this going to come out? Having previously waxed my pubes I had an idea of what I was in for. Eeek! But it was OK. Candle wax is much more brittle than the wax you use for hair removal. It chipped off nicely, especially with James’s big old hunting knife, and a bit of showering and soap did the rest.

I’d love to try this again!

Well worth visiting her blog to read the full post and enjoy the photo :)

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES

FOR ICE PLAY

WORKSHOPS:
Ice play workshops are less common than other forms of temperature play (or may be combined with these) so you may need to ask about, but you will find them now and again on the programs of kinky three day events / conventions etc.

GENERAL:
g-girl - DIY Ice Dildo
IC - Ice play
Peter Masters

Naia - Fire and Ice
Submissive's journey - Dangers of Ice play
Franklin Veaux - How to Make an Ice Dildo
Wiki - temperature play

FORUM THREADS:
Fet groups:

Ice play

VIDEOS:
You Tube - How to Make an Ice Dildo

FOR FIRE PLAY

WORKSHOPS:
Fireplay is quite popular in the scene at the moment so you should be able to track down some good presenters near you. Do check their credentials, fireplay is not something you want to get wrong!

If you are in the US, Edukink has a great page listing fire play presenters and resources.
Robert Ruben - fire play presentation guide

GENERAL:
Answers.com - fire play
BDSM Central - First fire play in public
Fetish Alliance - Manual for basic fire play
SehAnru -Up in Flames: The Basics of Fireplay
Souls haven - fire play
Viviane's Sex Carnival - Zen and the art of fire cupping
Wiki - Fire play

FORUM THREADS:
Tribe:

advanced fire play
playing with fire
firefetish.tribe.net, more connected to fire performance (poi, etc) than leather/bdsm. A private tribe, ask us to send you an invitation.

Fet groups:

BOOKS:
Fireplay with Torches, by Domina Corwin
Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play, by David Walker & Robert J Rubel

FOR WAX PLAY

WORKSHOPS
Lots of kinksters present wax play workshops, ask around in your local scene. Also check out the programs of weekend events / conventions etc as they often feature wax play.

Google search - wax play workshop

EduKink regularly holds Wet and WarmMmmm - Hot Wax play - a Paideia playshop

GENERAL:
answers.com - wax-play
Alkallah - Waxing Eloquent
Ask the Doctor of Perversity Temperature Play
M.K. Blackwind - More on Wax Play
BDSM Education - Wax play
BDSM Digest - Wax play
BDSM Relationships - Candle wax play
Caged Heart Publishing - Hot Wax Safety for BDSM Scenes
danea of withinReality - Varieties of wax
Frugal Domme - Hot wax and it's dangers
Gil K. from GMSMA - Hot Scenes With Candles
Kinkopedia - Wax play
Kinky Ever After - Wax Play
Lady V and Master Richard Wax Play site
Master David - Hot Wax Safety
Master Shadow - Candle play
Mistress Renee & gunga din - Hot Wax, the Intense Sensation
Model Mayhem - thread on crayons
MorTis - Candles (kyandoru) and HotWax (rou)
Nan's mollie - The Basics of Hot Wax Play Wax Play
Dennis Nagee - Wax play II
Mystress Evyl - Review of Fetish Fantasy Series Sensual Hot Wax Candles
Matt Nicholson Waxon, Waxoff and Other Japanese Sayings
Norische - Candlelight Moments - Basics of Wax Play
pplatinumpussy - post on using crayons with wax play
Safer + Saner : Wax Play
Sapio Slut - Waxed Up
Shakti - Guide to Waxing Wax Play Safety and Hints
Shiva -Wax play
Nawa Shibari - The art of Japanese rope bondage - Part 9 Complementary techniques wax play
Tenderdom - BDSM Wax Play
Unfettered - First Aid and BDSM - Burns
John Warren - Erotic Wax Play
Wiki - temperature play
Wiki - Wax play

FORUMS:
BDSM Hall Forum - Wax play help
ssbb has collected a number of questions/emails/threads etc
Tribes - hotwaxpoetic
Yahoo - BDSMwaxplay

Fet groups:

BOOKS:
Spectrum, The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax and Temperature Play. Greenery Press, 2004. ISBN 1-890159-57-3.

Thank you:
to everyone I've quoted
you've made sorting out
temperature play a pleasure :)

Photos:
Ms160
Japanese low temp candles - source unknown
Photo of Japanese candle in use - source unknown
Kinky Sex Link - candle review photo

Southern Exposure

2010-11-23T19:39:00.001-08:00

Ever wanted to visit New Zealand?

Southern Exposure gives kinky tourists a brilliant excuse!

The conference and related events are organized by Steve_C, who writes on Fetlife:

"I have a lifelong passion for learning and am a firm believer in the value of education. I see education as a way of growing and strengthening our community. That's why I, with the help of my wonderful puss, have always promoted workshops and quality education for our local group, always happy to share our knowledge and skills with other groups when possible, and what caused us to take a huge leap into the dark in 2006 with the first Southern Exposure. Bigger than anything ever before attempted in New Zealand, it was (and is) intended to give the NZ BDSM a kick up to the next level, by exposing as many people as possible to knowledgeable overseas and local experts on topics of interest to kinky folks, while at the same time gathering us together as a community, to meet old friends, make new ones, and have fun while doing it!"

The conference was originally scheduled for 2010 but was postponed after a large earthquake struck Christchurch on September 4th. Widespread damage was caused to the city, including the main conference venue and party venue. Steve then decided the event would be postponed until Easter 2011:

"This decision was difficult for us to make, but on balance, the safety and comfort of attendees and presenters came first. Not all of the originally scheduled presenters will be available for Easter 2011. This has meant we will be looking to flesh out the presenter lineup and workshops over the coming months.
"Three days of workshops, parties and more, held on the Easter long weekend.

Southern Exposure has a full on programme of workshops by top International and NZ presenters, as well as a full on play party, fun social times, and a fetish market night.

The Southern Exposure website will be updated with presenter and programme details as they are finalised.

Some of our presenters:-

Lee Harrington, eclectic artist, spiritual and erotic educator, gender radical, spirit worker and published author on human sexuality and spiritual experience

Sarah Sloane, educator, relationship coach and sexuality educator

Tonbi, educator, presenting workshops on takedowns/resistance play, and western rope

__S__, rope artist, presenting classes on Japanese Kinbaku/Shibari"

Regular readers know I'm a great supporter of Southern Exposure and I'm hoping very much to attend next year. I look forward to seeing you there :)

Logo: Southern Exposure website

The Gathering

2010-09-22T01:09:00.001-07:00

It's nearly time to gather...

The Gathering is on in Sydney the first weekend in October. It's going to be an amazing inaugural event, and it's especially good for people who are new to all things kinky - there is a "BDSM 101" thread running through the workshop program. Sol and I will be there, we'll be taking part in a couple of workshops and panels, so come find us and say hello :)

The event's press release reads:

"Sydney will host Australia’s first National BDSM and Fetish conference in October 2010 - called The Gathering. Aptly named, the conference recognizes that there are many different tribes within the extended kink world, each with their own specializations and interests.

“Acknowledging and celebrating those differences is one of the main themes of the event, as is learning and acquiring new skills,” says Miss Dee, the driving force behind UberLearn, organizers of the event. “More and more, the broader community is becoming aware of the BDSM/Fetish scene, through fashion, TV, and other media. There is a growing curiosity...people want to know what it is all about.”

“We have been changing the face of BDSM education over the last 4 years, running workshops around Australia, making it more accessible - providing people with a way to learn what it is all about, and how to experience our world safely.

“From organizing teaching tours for internationally renowned presenters, through to fostering local talent, we have been a part of an evolving and exciting dynamic scene.”
“People have been asking for a national event, one that is bigger than any one community, or one city. And we are making it a reality. It’s an exciting time to be into Kink.”

People from all around Australia will be in attendance at the four day event, bringing with them their unique life experiences, skills, fantastic outfits and toys, as well as sharing imaginative ideas for having fun.

Festivities open with a Fetish Night Market held at Sydney’s Mecure Central, on Friday 1st October.. That evening’s event will open to the public, and will showcase local and overseas offerings from retailers and artisans alike, displaying equipment, clothing, accessories and other products that will appeal to Fetishists and kinksters, as well as Goths, alternative dressers and adventurous adults - people exploring their sexuality.

The Gathering then rolls into 2 full days of workshops (over 30 to choose from) at the Mecure, featuring presenters from New York, San Francisco, Tokyo, Auckland, Melbourne, Canberra and of course, Sydney.

From classes for experts through to people who are just curious about starting out, there is something for everyone. These classes will exhilarate, excite and entice. A party is also planned for the Sunday night.

Finally, The Gathering winds down on the Monday, with a special performance piece combining local and overseas talent, followed by a closing address from one of New York’s top fetish authors..

“The Gathering is an event that acknowledges people’s sexuality – their commonalities and differences”, Miss Dee mentions, “It has something for all genders and orientations. Being the home of the Mardi Gras, Sydney is, by its nature, a place that welcomes the fluidity and evolution of alternative lifestyles. And these are the principles on which The Gathering is founded.”

There is still time to register and attend. You can find out more here.

Come and join us :)

(READ MS160'S "POST GATHERING" THOUGHTS ON MISTRESS160'S ABODE)

(banner: The Gathering website)

QUESTIONS FROM FORMSPRING: What's scene etiquette after playing in private?

2010-09-05T19:48:00.000-07:00

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.formspring.me/Mistress160"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;http://www.formspring.me/Mistress160&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

"I have someone coming to play in private this weekend. What is the protocol for after. Is it like one night stands & they just leave?"

This is a bit hard to answer because I'm missing enormous amounts of information, and the right response depends on that missing info, but I'll try and respond as best as I can.

The first bit of extra info I'd ask you to provide, if I could, is: what kind of relationship are you seeking with the person coming round to your place to play? Are you only planning to see them this one time? Would you like them to become regular play partners? Would you like to have a one on one relationship with them? The reason I'm saying this is because obviously what you want from this relationship affects what happens after you play. You can certainly tell them to leave straight away (like the "one night stands" you mention) but that would hardly encourage any future relationship with them.

The second bit of info I'd double check with you is: is this is the first time you've played with this person? If you've played with them before, then I am sure you've already filled in and compared BDSM checklists and undertaken scene negotiations, including establishing a safeword. If you are unfamiliar with these terms, you should google them. If you've NOT played with them before then I'd want to ask how you met them? If this is the first time you are meeting someone (perhaps you met them online) I'd sincerely suggest you read some of the articles on this topic online, that discuss safety issues (for example, letting a friend know when you are playing for the first time with this person, and arranging for them to ring you at certain times to confirm everything is going well).

The third thing I'd ask is: are you aware of the concept of aftercare, after play? If not, you should google the term (or have a look at the aftercare series of posts on my blog ... I don't know your kinky orientation but there are posts about aftercare / "drop" issues for subs, dominants and switches). If you are familiar with aftercare, then you'll know that this happens (if required) at the end of a scene and you need to include aftercare discussion in your scene negotiations prior to play. If you know your own aftercare requirements you need to let your new play partner know them, and vise versa. If you are new to the scene and don't yet know whether you need aftercare or not, again discuss this with your new play partner.

So. Let's say your scene has finished and any aftercare has been given. This is perhaps the point in time that you are seeking info about protocols about - do people just leave after play or not? There is really no "protocol" or rather, scene etiquette, for this, other than common courtesy. Your play partner may well leave quickly if their aftercare requires privacy and time alone, or they practice "third person aftercare". But if that's not the case, then really what you do depends on how comfortable you feel with them. I'm sure the offer or a shower / bath (especially if your scene has been messy) or a hot drink ... or even a meal, depending on the time of day ... and some conversation wouldn't go astray. Especially if you want to get to know them better.

If you are going to invite people home to play regularly you might like to put a few things together for them. We have a "guest play partner box" that we direct people to when they arrive:

It's a large plastic storage container which contains things that might make their stay more comfortable: a soft dressing gown, slippers, towel, toiletries, and a bottle of water and energy bar (common aftercare requirements). They can also put their clothes, shoes, car keys, wallet, etc in the box and everything is easy to get together when they leave ... sometimes people are still a bit spacey, post play (if this happens, make sure your play partner doesn't leave until they are fine to drive).

Hope this answer helps, and that you have a great time this weekend :)

Ask us anything about BDSM and D/s lifestyles

QUESTIONS FROM FORMSPRING: How do you cope with living with a masochist?

2010-08-10T19:16:00.001-07:00

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.formspring.me/Mistress160"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;http://www.formspring.me/Mistress160&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

"How do I cope living with a masochist?"

Hmmm. I could answer this Formspring question two ways - from the point of view that it's being asked by someone outside the BDSM lifestyle ... or from the point of view that's is being asked by someone within the lifestyle. Not knowing which the questioner is, I'll have to try to cover both!

Masochists are a strange, rare breed. It's an honor to share my life with one.

It's not a case of "coping". Life can be challenging because you can never take a masochist for granted ... they'll be off searching for new sensations *grin*.

Sol wrote about the paradoxes of being a masochist on my blog here and, part 2, here. Here's a quote from those posts:

"I know that many people are interested in how masochists perceive pain, so I asked Solipsist to comment on this. He wrote:

"Some people describe masochists as experiencing certain types of pain as pleasure - as though the nerves are somehow wired to different centers in their brain. It's not so for me. The pain is just pain. I feel the stroke of a cane much as I would imagine anyone else does, I just happen to like that pain in that context administered by someone who cares. Psychologically I like the fact that I am submitting willingly to being hurt, and it's hard to do if I don't feel I am submitting. There are times when I would like to have a session, but can't bring myself to ask, because if I have asked for it, it's somehow not as satisfying.

"Pain on the 'sweet spot' of my ass is 'good pain', and when a flogger or cane strays outside that area, for example if it 'wraps' around to the side it quickly becomes intolerable. But a well chosen word from Mistress ('Did I wrap ? Oh dear. Don't you dare move, let me see if I can do it again', or laughingly "that got your attention!') can snap me back into a space where even the 'bad' pain can be enjoyed.

"Another often touted explanation is that masochists are endorphin junkies - I certainly get enjoy the endorphin high that some sessions produce, but I also enjoy sessions that don't get that far.

"I have occasionally likened the start of a session with beginning a rock climb. If you have ever led a free climb, you will be familiar with a surge of fear and excitement that comes when you start a climb, particularly one that is poorly protected. You think 'I can't do this', 'Why do I put myself through it', but you push yourself, concentrate on the technique, and when you reach the top you look back at how exhilarating it was".

"Sol and I know that masochism is a difficult subject, that for many in the vanilla world the line between it and abuse seems a thin one. So it's worth our repeating that BDSM activities only ever take place between consenting adults, and recalling for you once again the wise conclusions of Havelock Ellis who in Studies in the Psychology of Sex noted that the sadomasochist generally desires that the pain be inflicted or received not in abuse, but in love. And there is extraordinary love between Solipsist and myself. How could I deny such an important part of him? After each session with him I remember the words of Raven Kaldera who asked of those who reject SM:

“Look into our eyes. When we return with those bruises, do we walk taller and stronger? When we touch our cuts, are we more serene? When we give up our power, do we grow more sure of ourselves? When we accept power over another, do we learn more compassion? Do we return from the Underworld better for the journey? That's how you know, those of you who are worried, whether we're doing it right”.

If you'd like to learn more about masochism, you might like to read some of the resources listed below. It's also worth joining groups like Fetlife's "Sadists and Masochists" group, to read discussions such as the "Masochists: how do you react to pain?" thread.

FURTHER READING:

Bullough V, Dixon D and Dixon J (1993) 'Sadism, masochism and history, or When is behaviour sado-masochistic?' in Roy Porter and Mikulas Teich (eds.), Sexual Knowledge, Sexual Science: The History of Attitudes to Sexuality. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Peter H Donnelly My bdsm life experiences as a male masochist post on Masochism and BDSM Blog
Epistula Rasa Confessions of a masochist: BDSM culture and you post on Epistula Rasa blog
Havelock Ellis

Studies in the Psychology of Sex
'Love and Pain', in Studies in the Psychology of Sex Volume III: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women (2nd edition). Philadelphia: F A Davis Co.

Fetlife groups:

Gibson I (1978) The English Vice: Beating, Sex and Shame in Victorian England and After. London: Duckworth.
Goodwin, Laura Retraining a SAM (Smart Ass Masochist)
Lesley Hall. "Pain and the erotic". The Wellcome Trust
John Kucich 2006 Imperial Masochism: British Fiction, Fantasy, and Social Class
lili The Spirituality of Sado-Masochism (excerpt, incl Raven Kaldera quote) 2005
Nick Mansfield (1997) Masochism: the Art of Power
Phillips, Anita (1998). A Defense of Masochism. ISBN 0-312-19258-4.

Suzanne Stewart-Steinberg (1998) Sublime Surrender: Male Masochism at the Fin-De-Siecle (Cornell Studies in the History of Psychiatry)

Thompson B (1994) Sadomasochism: Painful Perversion or Pleasurable Play? London: Cassell.
Weinberg, Thomas S., "Sadomasochism in the United States: A Review of Recent Sociological Literature", The Journal of Sex Research 23 (Feb. 1987) 50-69
Wikipedia entry on Sadomasochism (discusses the history of the term, biology (regarding the release of endorphins) and psychology as well as providing examples of SM in popular culture)

CONTACT MS160 AT FORMSPRING:

Ask me anything about BDSM and D/s lifestyles

Part 24: Urethral Sounding

2010-07-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

This post is part of my
BDSM for Beginners
Edgeplay Series

Please don't read it if you are not
interested in learning about:
urethral play
medical play
sounds

Last year at Kinkfest, sol and I attended an excellent workshop on urethral play. Ever since then we've been wanting to experiment with this form of play, especially with sounds. A recent visit to S(A)X provide the perfect implement: a "hand made Stainless Steel Urethral Sound, made in the Sax metal workshop, only the best medical toy you have used!".

It looks like this:

Because I've not written about urethral play and sounding before I've turned this post into part of my BDSM For Beginners - Edgeplay Series. The Edgeplay posts explore more advanced forms of play. This post will address the following questions raised by readers:

What's urethral play?
Are sounds and dilators the same?
What are the risks?
Why do people do it?
Can women do it?
What's the best way to learn how to do this?
When it's time to try...
Ms160 and sol's first session
Where can buy sounds?
References and Online Resources

Some quick housekeeping re my BDSM For Beginners series:

These posts are usually very long (they are often based on my notes for two hour seminars). They require a pee break in the middle, unless you are a severe masochist, and at least one coffee break. You think I'm joking, don't you ... ha! Okay, cross your legs then ...

BDSM For Beginners' posts are not so much about my own experience as collating the experiences of other kinksters and checking out some good links for you, to further explore subjects that interest you. If you've experienced sounding and would like your experiences and any advice you'd like to share added to this post, drop me a line either via the C Box or my profile at Fetlife.

Ready?

WHAT'S URETHRAL PLAY ?

Ms160 using S(A)X's sound on sol

There is actually not a huge amount online about this form of play, and most of what you'll find is from a male perspective. Wiki gives a vanilla view, which is not very helpful for kinksters. I think KennedyRay provides a good intro to the topic, in a BDSM context:

"Urethral play is play that involves inserting objects into the urethra, and sometimes the bladder. In some cases, these scenes can be associated with people into medical scenes (playing amateur urologist hour), or in the BDSM scene, is closely associated with control and dominance. For the submissive/bottom, the psychological idea of being violated in such a manner, the inability to control bladder functions (if catheters are inserted into the bladder) along with the physiological sensitivity of the urethral lining can be quite a trip...

"In urethral play, you generally have two kinds of instruments that you can use. A sound is one type of device that comes in a variety of widths and is inserted into the shaft. Most people who are heavily into the use of sounds usually try to dilate or stretch the urethra, although there are many who get into seeing how far they can go as well. Sounds are sort of like wands usually made out of surgical stainless steel.

"Catheters are very different. A catheter is inserted into the shaft with the objective of reaching the bladder. Catheters are much longer and are usually made out of latex or plastic. Some types of catheters, like a Foley, have a small balloon that is inflated after it reaches the bladder. Once the catheter is in, the person who has it in pretty much loses control of when they can piss"

I'm not going to discuss catheter play further, today. Covering sounding will be quite enough! These days sounding is also called cock stuffing. Here's part of a detailed post from Alice of Go Ask Alice:

"Cock-stuffing, or "sounding" as it is called in the S&M community, involves inserting smooth, long, and thin surgical steel rods called "sounds" (hence the name "sounding") into a man's urethra. The two most commonly used "sounds" are the Van Buren, which has a J-shaped curve on the end, and the Dittle, which is straight. Other objects ... may do the trick, but metal sounds are recommended because they are easier to clean and have no chance of breaking when in use"

You'll find a lot of posts online from men interested in this topic, who put all sorts of items down their cock. There's an interesting Fetlife thread on how people got started here and "faux sounds" they've used here. I must say, after doing the research for this post I am STUNNED by the things men put down their dicks. Alice was replying to a man who used a glass thermometer. Other guys write about using "nicely rounded, tapering plastic pens" , "a smooth toothbrush handle" or "a long length of fishing line folded in two (fold goes in first)" ... oh and this bloke, AnythingGoes, who in his reply to KennedyRay's Urethral Play post definitely lives up to his name:

"corn kernels, pencils, pens, brushes, tools, nails, screws, bolts ( ones so fat I had to literally screw them all the way in) wires, toothbrushes, paperclips, hollow wall anchors that I then enlarge once in by putting a screw into it, tubes, hangers, sticks, plant stalks. And a plethora of other items ...

"it is very addicting. So much so that I have gone even kinkier. I have slid small fish out of fishtank into the head of my dick. I have even slid a fat earthworm almost all the way in. Made sure not to let him go. I have put moths and several different kinds of small bugs and beetles just inside also. The sensation of them moving in there is almost instant orgasm. I dream of trying a small snake at some point. Has anyone else ever done any of this?"

It's important I quote another line of this truly mad bastard, as well: "I have been lucky and never had an infection". He's not fucking wrong, lol. As Alice notes, in response to the thermometer guy:

"Just because you "don't do it often" doesn't mean you needn't do it safely each time. Leave the thermometers, with the risk of broken glass and mercury poisoning, behind and invest in a "steel" sound".

Here's ChaseUnion:

"The question of what to insert up one's own, or anyone else's, urethra is of paramount importance and might be best answered, any medical instrument or device which: (1) was made with the express purpose of urethral insertion, (2) has been "terminally" sterilized by a sterilization process which kills viruses (more about this later but suffice it to say that "boiling doesn't cut it"), and (3) slides in under its own weight or with minimal pressure. We'll elaborate on these later and even give a few exceptions, but these are the basic qualifications of any urethral insertion procedure. Knitting needles, dowel rods, chopsticks, pencils, toothbrush handles, coat hangers, and rat-tail files are all equally unsuitable."

Absolutely. And that includes wiggling wild life! I don't usually quote from vanilla blogs because I don't want to embarrass their authors, but in this case I don't think the blogger ... Keagirl of Urostream ... will mind. Here she explains what happens when you end up in the emergency room, with your foreign object gets stuck:

"As a urologist, I've had even more interesting cases where patients put things in their urethra and bladder. Naturally, I only meet these patients when the foreign objects get stuck inside. (string of pearls, sewing needles-with and without thread, small paintbrush-this particular one having been "forgotten" in the bladder for over 2 years!, mercury thermometer, pens, a McDonald's straw-I recognized the familiar red and yellow stripes- and most recently a plastic laundry line that had become knotted inside the bladder causing the embarrassing trip to the ER)

"One of my more memorable incident happened with a patient who had this compulsion to insert paper clips in his urethra and bladder. He had an X-ray done in the ER which showed 15 paper clips in his bladder. We took him to the OR, and retrieved.... 17 clips. Yup, in the short time it took us to take him from the ER to OR, the patient had managed to get hold of two additional clips and put them inside!!!

I wonder what Keagirl would think of AnythingGoes' list *grin*?

Actually Keagirl made her own views clear ("I' m not so concerned about what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home, but I do care very much when they come into the ER and they get me involved.") but a lot of urethral players responded to her blog post anyway. And are continuing to respond, despite the age of her post. The same thing happened on KennedyRay's urethral play post - there are about 150 comments after his post, and they are still coming in, a couple of years after he posted it.

I think a lot of urethral players are desperate to find somewhere where they can write about their experiences. Posting somewhere vanilla - for example on Yahoo Questions - with queries like "is there any danger to urethral play?" and "does sounding damage the urethra?" ... obviously only resulted in freaked out vanilla responses. The best answer "chosen by voters" for the latter was:

"There is unlikely to be any problem if the urethral sound is inserted by a doctor or nurse as part of a medical examination or treatment. However you can cause serious damage to yourself by pushing anything up your own penis"

And that response is mild compared to this one, which is a definition of sounds from Urban Dictionary:

"The use of sounds in the bdsm community is both dangerous and depraved. The victim, who is male, often has sounds thrust with little care or compassion into his urethrea. Not surprisingly biological damage to the urethra and bladder is common, infection and serious injury often follow and lifetime bladder incontinence is a real risk. More serious cases involve penile cancer, bladder cancer and tumours of differing seriousness. The use of sounds is outlawed in many countries and to own a set of sounds is illegal. The internet, is often the place where sounds can be bought and they are available for sexual deviants worldwide...at a cost, both financially and biological"

What a nutter.

You can see from all the appalling errors in that quote why KennedyRay felt he needed to redress the balance ... and the need for accurate information ... with his Urethral Play post:

"For most people, the idea of urethral play is repulsive and dangerous, from my experience I find this to be untrue and wish to share some advice, opinions and suggestions"

He's provided not only these things but a place for urethral players to share their own experiences as well as ask questions, which are answered by others who frequently return to the post ("I didn’t know so many people were into this..thats so cool" (Michael), "Just found this great web site" (shaun), "I am glad to finally find a site like this where we can share" (AnythingGoes). So do go check his post out if you are seriously into this sort of play.

You'll find more links in the Reference and Online Resources section at the end of this post. These include Chase Union, Ltd ("Suppliers of Exotic Medical Instruments & Supplies") sounding pages and also Tom A Gordon's great article, first published on the internet in 1996 as "About Sounds", which appears with approved additions on sites like Deviant's Dictionary and MedicalToys' website. I'll be quoting these sources a lot.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF SOUNDS

Van Buren Sounds from S(A)X

What exactly is a sound? Here's ChaseUnion:

"In the "good old days" before penicillin, gonorrhea was much more difficult to cure and many times left scar tissue behind, causing "strictures" which partially or completely closed off the urethra, making urination difficult if not impossible. Some benevolent medicos (Drs. VanBuren and Dittel, to name two), seeking methods to relieve this problem, designed instruments to be inserted into the urethra to locate the stricture and literally stretch it open to allow the passage of urine. Thus was born the urethral "sound" which takes it name from the Latin subordinate, to submerge to measure the depth of.

"This is the same "sound" as used in the term "sound the depths," where the depth of a body of water is measured with a weighted line".

You'll find lots of different types of sounds listed for sale at various adult / kinky stores. They all look slightly different - some are straight, some are slightly curved, some are curved to follow the natural shape of the penis.

They are usually made out of surgical stainless steel. These days you can also buy silicone sounds and these are proving popular (more Fetlife threads about them here and here). However Dogger makes an extremely good argument for metal sounds on this Bad Dragon "sounding and stuffing" forum thread, where people were discussing soft (plastic) vs hard (metal) sounds:

"my experience and what I've mostly heard from others [regarding] sound[s], is that hard feels quite a bit better, MUCH better. It wasn't until I had an actual sounding set of pratts that I realized how good a heavy sound feels.

"You want a sound that can slide in on it's own, the reason so many people think sounding hurts when they try it is because they have to manually force the sound down their urethra. I can barley describe the incredible difference I felt having a steel rod sliding down inside as opposed to something I had to hold down to keep from pushing back up. I'm not saying something soft on the outside wouldn't feel nice too, but if it doesn't have the weight then it's not going to feel very good. Something bunching up because it's too soft to slide down is not a great feeling"

What type is best to buy? It's up to you, really, in terms of what you want to try. They all do slightly different things. As Tom Gordon points out:

"There is a curve in the male plumbing system; the curve on the Van Buren sound is designed to accommodate that curve, allowing the sound to slip down the penis and into the bladder easily. The problem is that if the bottom gets hard during the process of insertion one has to wait until the erection subsides, as the curved sound cannot be inserted (or removed!) if the penis is hard.

"It is possible to negotiate the curve with the straight Dittle sound by changing the angle of the penis during insertion, but this requires a bit more skill and sensitivity on the part of the top.
"The diameter of sounds, catheters and some other medical instruments is expressed in the French system. One French unit (Fr) is .33 millimeters (.3 mm for ease of discussion). Thus, an instrument which is 20 Fr is 20 x .3 = 6 mm in diameter (0.24").

"Most men can, without discomfort, take a much larger sound than you might imagine. That being said however, for first timers, or those who haven't done it on a regular basis, starting out with the smaller sound diameters (i.e., 16 Fr or 18fr) and work up to the larger diameters as it feels comfortable to do so. The idea, of course, is to stretch the urethra just a bit"

When you check out places that sell sounds online you usually come across information like the following, in this case from Wiki Bmezine:

"Urethral sounds come in a variety of styles, and are used in slightly different ways:

Dittel sounds have a flat end and a rounded end.

Hegar sounds have two rounded ends, are fairly short, and are mildly curved in shape. Hegar sounds are typically the least expensive sounds on the market. These sets usually consist of slightly curved double-ended sounds starting at small sizes suitable for beginners, right up to absolutely monstrous thumb-sized sounds, for those more experienced people. These sounds are the most safe and comfortable for the female anatomy.

Henk sounds have a more pronounced curve at the ends, as well as a metal rib on each end.

Pratt sounds are longer urethral dilators (double ended ones are usually almost a foot long) with rounded and slightly bent ends. Many men enjoy them for sounding.

Van Buren sounds have a very pronounced curve at each end, specifically for the purpose of reaching the bladder"

Now this is all good, useful information ... except for one small thing. They are misnaming commercially produced dilators as sounds.

ARE SOUNDS AND DILATORS THE SAME?

Dittel and Van Buren Sounds

No. They are not. I'm going to quote ChaseUnion here, because they know what they are talking about:

"There is a lot of confusion about Sounds & Dilators. They are two entirely different animals for two entirely different purposes. Although Dilators may be used in some instances like sounds"

So you can use dilators for sounding? Absolutely:

"We have no objection to the use of dilators. We only want you to know what you are really buying! And their original intended use! Many advertisements (and on the Internet) speak of Sets of Sounds for sale. Usually these are Hegar Dilators. (Ask if they come in a little leatherette case. Ask if they are double ended. Ask about the shape.)

They elaborate further on another page:

"Dilators are sold singly or in sets of 8 (in a small case) and are double ended. Sounds are sold singly–almost never in sets–and are single ended. Sounds are more expensive. Beware when someone tells you they want to sell you a SET of SOUNDS"

This is exactly what Wiki Bmezine has done. You'll find an excellent page on the Chase Union, Ltd website where they go through all the different definitions with lots of photos here. It's where those quotes came from. If all this sounds a bit complicated, don't panic. The thing to remember is you don't have to buy an entire set first up. Start with a single sound, like we did, and see how much you enjoy the sensation. Speaking of which:

WHY DO PEOPLE ENJOY URETHRAL PLAY?

ChaseUnion gets it right when they write that:

"The dynamics of urethral insertion are those of invasion and control of a very private and personal area and function"

Here's Alice again:

"People enjoy using "sounds" for the pleasurable sensations felt while being inserted. They are also popular in the S&M community as a form of power exchange. Some of the curved "sounds" make getting an erection extremely difficult. If a penis starts to become erect, the person inserting the sound must wait until the erection subsides before continuing. Often sounds are locked into place so that a submissive partner cannot get an erection"

You'll find various forum threads listed at the end of this post that contain excellent posts from people who enjoy sounding. Some of the best (at the moment) are on Fetlife. ManyOohs4U wrote on Fetlife that:

"People do sounding (1) for the sexual stimulation, (2) to enlarge their urethra, which they find interesting or exciting, and some on here do it to an EXTREME extent, or (3) use it as a base for other stimulation, applying a vibrator to it, or electro-sex signals"

Being really sick rabbits I must admit that what really turned sol and I on at the workshop on sounding was discussion about the possibilities of electrical play.

krazyray2000 wrote on Fetlife:

"I get excellent stimulation, and since I have been working my way up the sizes ... a great euphoric feeling. I started at a fr18, and have worked up to a fr29. I also love using my sounds with my estim, now that is a great feeling"

GAHAWK3 agreed:

"I like the control aspect of it. When its in nothings gonna cum out, OR if it does its gonna hurt like hell. I also like the feeling of a sound "fucking" my dick. Intense!"

Although lots of people write that they enjoy sounding, it's quite rare to get a good description of what it actually feels like. The word "intense" gets used at lot. And I'm not the only one who's noticed this. Here's Sammael describing a sounding demo:

"The word “intense” is frequently used, and when the demonstration guy was asked to describe it, that was about the only word he could come up with (it was his first time experiencing it). That, and that it felt good."

So: be warned ... it's going to be an intense experience!

What about from the "other" side? From the point of view of the other person doing the sounding, if it's not a solo scene? Well, I can tell you from experience that's "intense" as well, lol, and other tops agree. Lady Hotchkiss found her first sounds experience:

"Intensely erotic and sensual, WOW! ... a very focused, deliberate, slow, sensual experience for all 4 people involved. It was an extraordinary way to spend an afternoon"

Some people like to call sounding a form of CBT play, but I think it's a completely different ball game. Jade puts it best on this Eden Cafe thread about urethral play:

"Urethral play, play that involves catheterization and/or the use of sounds, is not meant to be S/M play. It is not used to hurt someone. There are lots and lots of places and ways to hurt someone that is safe and acceptable. A person’s urethra is not one of them. While Ms. Cynthia noted the many ways that sounds and catheters could be used in a D/s scene, in order to cause the bottom emotional and/or mental distress (especially in the case of catheters, which are often used in humiliation scenes) she stressed several times that urethral play is, sensation play, not pain play. This is play that is meant to be pleasurable, and if it is hurting, you’re doing something wrong".

I'd just like you to reread that last bit:

"urethral play is, sensation play, not pain play. This is play that is meant to be pleasurable, and if it is hurting, you’re doing something wrong".

Speaking of which:

WHAT ABOUT RISKS?

Alice again:

"The main risks with "sounding" include tearing or cutting the urethra and infection. Anything inserted into the urethra is to be cleaned to reduce the chance of infection. Some discomfort may be felt later if the sound has stretched the urethra. If that happens, people use smaller "sounds."
"Some men also feel burning when urinating, due to irritation. If the feeling continues for an extended period of time, the urinary tract may have become infected. If this occurs, or if there is blood in the urine, the person needs to see a health care provider. For those who use sounds, being open and honest with the provider is vital, in order to discuss alternatives for avoiding infection if they plan to continue "sounding."

Tom Gordon suggests:

"A word of caution: This kind of play is not something you should engage in with someone who is inexperienced or who does not understand all the necessary precautions. Carelessness can result in infection, injury, or other traumatic problems. You should be introduced to this kind of play in the right setting by an experienced, careful person who cares enough about you to exercise all the cautions set forth herein. This document is intended to be informational, and to discourage carelessness"

So read it carefully!

CAN WOMEN USE SOUNDS?

Photo from SexualNature blog

Absolutely. You've already heard from Jade, above. Now here's Linda, from Fetlife's Sounding and Urethral Insertion group:

"Female urethral insertion is a lot more common than many women admit to. I asked my OB about it once and she said that the reason it feels good is because the G-Spot nerve cluster is stimulated from the inside the urethra more easily in some women.

"It is relatively safe, if you don’t put things inside that are filthy. More than one of my friends said that they have masturbated with Pens, Q-tips to makeup brush handles from time to time. One of my ex BF’s liked to finger fuck. He tried that on me once, and I thought it wasn’t as bad as I would have thought initially– although I had some residual pain afterwards, but would prolly do it again…

"It’s not for everyone, but it’s nowhere near as uncommon as you would think..

I have to agree with that. I started talking about this topic at a munch last weekend and the female sub friend sitting next to me told me this was something she really wanted to try. And why not, when women can have experiences like Jade, during a sounding workshop:

"the main feeling I experienced was one of a pleasant stretching and filling. And when she slid one of them up and down inside of me, it was an almost mind-blowing sensation of being “fucked” in a whole new way, in a whole new hole. While I didn’t orgasm during her class from the sensation, I can easily see that I could have, given a little more time ... I am very much ready to explore this kind of play further... "

Or like Luscious_Apparatus who wrote on a Fetlife thread:

"Sounding feels unlike anything I've ever experienced. Feeling the cold steel slide into the urethral opening is a little intense at first as it's not really something you're used to there, but once you relax and get used to it, it's so wonderful. I like the feeling of the larger sounds inside me and feeling that stretch. Once it is fully inserted, it's an amazing feeling. I've only had the pleasure a couple of times, but I have had an orgasm everytime from it. It feels like stimulation to the G-Spot, but even more direct so way more intense.

"The best orgasm I've had with sounding was when we attached an electro-tens pad to the sound itself. There are no words to describe how amazing it felt. It did end up making me squirt with the sound still inside me which surprised me because I didn't think it was possible. I definitely want to play and experience sounding further. It's just too yummy"

outre1 elaborates further in her post "A woman's point of view":

"For a female, the urethra and its opening are right at the intersection of the G-spot in the vagina and the base of the clit. Urethral insertion (stuffing) combined with clit and G-spot stimulation is an awesome orgasm.

"Sounding involves pulling the sound/toy in and out of the urethra. Stuffing the urethra (leaving the sound/toy in place while playing elsewhere, my definition) blocks the Skene’s glands. This builds pressure behind and alongside the clit, which makes it more sensitive. Stuffing can cut off the urine flow, if desired. Anytime anything is done to/on a full bladder, clit stimulation seems to be increased. Maybe because the clit is pushed forward/out by a full bladder? Also, some women can cum just from being sounded. I (still) need clit stim to orgasm with sounding.

"There are two muscles that can be penetrated with sounding. Each has a different sensation when sounded. The exterior sphincter lies outside of the urethra, which is followed by the urethral ‘tube’ which is about 2” long. When sounded, the exterior muscle feels a bit stingy or peppery, but feels good about 1/2” in. Some people like to just play at this spot, taking the sound or toy just in and out of this muscle. If you sound further in, the interior muscle, which is the entrance to the bladder, has a smooth, deep, luscious feeling. For me, the sensations (and idea) of being penetrated in this way are very intimate and erotic. Please note that these pain/pleasure sensations should be delicate but profound. Stop if any real pain or blood happens. Don’t force anything. Do expect some pee to accidentally find its way out...
"This is a very slow, exacting play that lends itself to d/s or med doc play because of the sterile/sanitary technique and the exacting technique of placing the sounds. Not all tops have the discipline or patience to do this. For sanitation sake, no anal activities on a sounding day, and your partner should wear a condom for intercourse (they should anyway). No play on period days or if the bottom (or top) has any infections. As a beginning player, I advise you to consult the sterile/sanitary posts found elsewhere on this website. An diagram of female (or male) urinary anatomy is also very useful and you can google for this information.

Keep in mind Tom Gordon's comment that:

"Women's sounds are shorter, for the shorter urethra, differently shaped and have their own difficulties of insertion. Women are also even more prone to infection"

Here's a Fetlife thread that shows what can go wrong when inserting something other than a sound. There's another interesting thread on how to start re female sounding here, and a Kinkiest Female Sounder on Fetlife contest here.

Also several lovely ladies on Fetlife (such as Mastersslave) have sounding photos up on their profiles that are well worth a look if you are thinking of exploring this type of play.

WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT?

Sol and I attended a workshop on urethral sounding before we began this type of play and I really recommend that. Our workshop presenters were trained health practitioners and had lots of experience and practical advice. Fetlife members interested in sounding agree, MrEasy responding to a Fetlife inquiry on starting out:

"It's not rocket science and doesn't have to be carried out under laboratory conditions, though much of what you read would have you think so. That said, on those few occasions when something does go wrong, it can go really really wrong. So if it's at all possible, I'd suggest having somebody experienced take you through it, hands-on, the first time.

"That's how I learned: a bottom guy who loved being sounded showed me what to do (and injected us both with Caverject -- woohoo -- but that's another story). Reading came later, and still, the importance things are the ones he taught me"

LadyHotchKiss agrees "sounds is REALLY something that is learned best by being trained one-on-one by someone with experience". As does Tom Gordon:

"The technique cannot really be learned by reading about it. This article is intended to give you an idea of what is involved and of the pleasures which are possible. It would be best for you to attend a demonstration to actually see the procedure, and ideally to work with an experienced top to try it out, whether you are a top or a bottom"

And ChaseUnion:

"Urethral insertion in its many forms and variations would merit a rating of "TG" or "R" in the DungeonMaster rating system. Correctly done, it carries minimal risk; however a certain level of specialized knowledge and skill is required, along with a little common sense. Any person wishing to do any kind of urethral insertion for the first time should seek out someone experienced and knowledgeable in the field who is willing to act as guide and teacher. The wise beginner would first watch, taking careful note, and then practice under supervision before attempting on his own"

So before you try this type of play you need to either talk to someone who practices urethral play in your local scene or find someone who is skilled enough to present workshops on this topic. The best way to do the latter is to let your local BDSM educational event organizer know you are interested in urethral play / medical play workshops. If no-one expresses interest they won't schedule it.

Below - in no particular order - is a (mostly North American) list of BDSM presenters who have given urethral play workshops in the past. Check their websites for their current workshop program, as well as bring them to the attention of your local BDSM educational event organizer.

Attend Crucible Academy's three day Medical play weekend in July 2010.

Male tops interested in sounding, note: MrEasy on Fetlife has posted that he "present[s] on [male] sounding semi-regularly. I can't say they're a major part of my play life, but somehow I got a rep as a sounding top, I guess because I like using them and I'm not afraid of them." I'm sure MrEasy would be happy to discuss the topic with you.

Ms Cynthia Hurt presented the workshop where Jade was stunt bottom. Her webpage is here.

Simone Krosss presented "Medical Workshop: catheters and sounds" at Edges Dungeon in 2008 ("geared for those with curiosity about medical play as well as with a medical fetish. The workshop will focus on catheterization and sound play within medical role play and BDSM. There will be a live demo and we will discuss the risks involved with urethral insertion")

Domina Dea presented "Urethral Sounds 101"at DomCon Atlanta in 2009 and LA in 2010 ("this class is meant for those interested in exploring sounds but uncertain where to start. I will discuss urethral anatomy, site preparation, safety, the pros and cons of the variety of sterilization methods, explain the difference in sounds kits, do's and don'ts and basic technique for the beginner. This class is a live demo").

Sir C presented "Urethral play - A hole of your own" at Dark Odyssey Leather Retreat June 2009 ("learn how to do the two most common forms of urethral play… Catheterization and Sounds ... Class will be a lecture and demo covering how to do both catheters and sounds on both males and females")

Dr. Eve presented "Medical Play: From Fantasy to Edge" as part of last year's November program at the Women's Building, 3543 18th St. @ Valencia, San Francisco.

Dave Holt, CBT aficionado and local health care provider presents "Sounds: Stroke It On the Inside" at the Center for Sex Positive in Seattle

Auburn Goddess runs advanced CBT workshops that cover sounds

Sir Scott presented "sounds for men: an introduction into the various types of sounds and their application" at Sagacity, "the largest, longest-running BDSM/kink/fetish alternative lifestyle organization in British Columbia". This is a class good for beginners and experienced players both and stresses safety and cleanliness. A demonstration of the technique will be included in the lecture. Sir Scott also presented "Sounds 101" as part of “So You Want To Be Kinky???” ("aimed specifically at individuals who have little to no experience") in Toronto, Canada in November 2009.

Sir Tony presented a "URETHRAL PLAY WORKSHOP" at the Black Eagle in Toronto in May 201o.

Lady Kathryn and john presented Urethral/Dialator/Sounds at Black Rose Washington D.C in 2008. They also presented this topic for the Baltimore Educational and Social Society in 2009.

"Med Play Techniques in BDSM" at the SFCitadel, San Francisco in January 2010 included study of "the safe and potentially orgasmogenic use of urethral sounds"

Jesse Duran ("Southern California Leather Woman 2005") has "urethral play (catheters and sounds)" listed amongst her workshop topics.
The Australian workshop sol and I attended was a "Catheterisation and Urethral Sounds" workshop at Kinkfest in Melbourne ("This is a workshop designed to teach the safe way to perform female catheterisation and how to play safely with urethral sounds on men. We will discuss safety aspects of catheterisation, the different types of catheters that can be used and for what purposes. Why insert a catheter? Now it is in - what can I do with it? There will be a demonstration on female catheterisation. Supplies will be available for purchase"). As this year's Kinkfest program is currently being put together now would be the time to drop organizers a line and request a repeat session.

While waiting for your workshop you might like to do an little extra research on the subject. BDGSales has an instructional video on urethral play, but I don't know how good it and it also seems to be out of stock. Definitely check out Tom Gordon's article and Chase Union's terrific page You're going to put a what?? Up my what?? which contains lots of essential info on sounding plus anatomy diagrams that will help you work out exactly how to proceed. As they point out:

"One doesn't venture into a strange neighborhood without a road map or at least some fairly clear directions. By the same token, it is not at all wise to go poking around inside the human body in areas you can't see without some idea of the internal "geography" or anatomy"

You should also join discussion groups and forums that share urethral play interests - such as Fetlife's sounding groups (see Reference and Online Resources list below) - for more advice and stories.

WHEN IT'S TIME TO TRY IT...

You have taken the above advice about workshops on board, haven't you?

Okay, so you've done the workshop. This section of the post is to provide the experiences and advice of other kinksters as to how to proceed from here.

When the time is right, keep in mind LadyHotchKiss's advice to:

"Start slow and small. It should NOT hurt. For Me and Mine it is intimate and erotic; NOT painful, frenzied, or unfocused. Don't begin with sounds and electrical or anything else . . . start slow and build!"

My friend Ms_Neta advises "take it slowly, and have great sounding fun", which is also excellent advice.

So what do you need to assemble, before your first scene? As well as the sounds themselves, Tom Gordon suggests you will need:

Generous amounts of lubricant without preservatives or nonoxynol-9, which is highly irritating to the urethra. Surgi-Lube or any water based lure without preservatives, additives or nonoxynol-9 is recommended.
An ordinary serving tray
A sterile, or at least freshly washed, hand towel.
A small disposable syringe approx. 10 ml
Alcohol swabs or alcohol and cotton balls or paper tissues.
Latex gloves.
A clean washcloth and antibacterial soap.

Keeping a sterile environment is important. MasterRoy provides a timely reminder:

"I also would suggest sterilizing [your sounds] between play sessions and different partners"

MedicalToys.com provides another:

"HIV and AIDS virus are basically impervious to "normal" sterilizing procedures, therefore, we highly recommend that Sounds (and Sound Sets) be used by only one person, always. So if you play with multiple partners, have your own set and don't let anyone else use it!"

Going back to the subject of lube for a moment, Wintersong advises:

"I'd like to add to the good advice from LadyHotchKiss that if/when you decide to begin experimenting with this kind of play, make the investment and buy actual sound(s) and appropriate lube. I'm a fan of Surgilube, because it is sterile and available in single use packets (and you can order it at most pharmacies)"

Here's Alice on lube:

"Sounders use lots of lube, so the "sound" can easily slide in on its own (gentle guidance may be necessary; pushing or forcing can cause tearing of the fragile tissue). If you encounter a constriction in the urethra that the "sound" will not pass through (most likely scar tissue), do not try to drive it through. More lube and a narrower sound may be more safe and successful.

"Saliva isn't generally recommended as a lubricant because it dries quickly (as you may have discovered already). Also, sugars from the mouth can be found in saliva that may cause urinary tract infections (UTIs). Sugars also can be found in some types of lube, sometimes listed as glycerin in the list of ingredients. Ultimately, a water- or silicone-based, glycerin-free lube with a thin consistency will probably work best for "sounding." Silicone-based lubes are longer lasting, but water-based lubes may have a thinner consistency. However, some people find silicone-based lubes to be a bit harder to clean up. Men find what works by experimenting"

We use sterile lube, and store it in the fridge.

LionsGate provides some great practical tips on this Fetlife thread on sounding techniques and sterile procedures:

"Be sure that you scrub and wash your hands with a mild brush using Providine-Iodine (1% available iodine). The Providine-Iodine solution is an antiseptic and microbicide. Be sure you dry your hands with a sterizled towel.
"Next, to help reduce contamination even further, there is a technique on how to get your sterilzied latex gloves on: always put your fingers on the inside of the glove and slowly struggle from the inside to pull up the glove to your wrist. Try not to touch the outside of the glove as you do this or you can contaimate the glove.

"You can probably order or buy sterilized surgical gloves (not the non-sterilized dispossible kind) at your drug store. They should sell or be able to order the Providine-Iodine for you as well.

"Never touch the sterizled sounds at all with your bare hands -- use the surgical latex gloves when you are ready to insert the sounds.

Ready to start? Tom Gordon sets the scene:

Before Beginning:

- Relax comfortably on the back on a fairly firm table or bed; being flat is better than being in a sling. If using a bed and another person is doing the insertion, position "the patient" diagonally, genitals at the very corner, legs spread and off the bed, for easy access and close proximity to the groin. Obviously, a table is easier for another person to do the insertion. If doing this alone, the bed or table will be more than adequate!

- Wash the genitals with warm water and antibacterial soap; dry gently. The objective is to remove surface bacteria.

- Spread the towel on the tray; if you have used the sterilizing technique I described above, just open the bundle. The towel in which the sounds are wrapped is ideal. DO NOT touch the sounds except by their handles or with clean latex gloves on.

- Arrange the sounds in order of size so that you do not have to fumble around one-handed later.

- Fill the syringe with KY; try to avoid getting large bubbles in the syringe.

- Put on the gloves; be careful what you touch after this point.

- Using a tissue, scrub each of the sounds with alcohol to kill any bacteria or fungi from the air or inadvertent touching.

Remember you may not get very far on your first few attempts. As you'll see in sol's and my first sounding scene below, we only inserted about a third of the sound. Because we were not planning to go more than a couple of inches sol and I did not load a syringe for our scene. If you plan to load a syringe you might like to keep LionsGate's advice in mind:

"There is only one thing that I would take as an extra precautionary step not found in Tom A. Gordon's write-up: When you use sterile KY lube, be sure to drip some of the KY lube first from the the actual tube as a way of ensuring that no contaminates are present from any previous use. Once you've done that, then add the KY lube into the luer-tip hypodermic syringe.

"I worked in a hospital for 14 years and had done many catheterizations on male patients. Dripping some KY lube first before even applying on the catheter was always an important step in the sterile technque so that there would be no bladder infection."

For how to proceed with the actual scene, let's follow sol's and my explorations...

MS160 AND SOL'S FIRST SOUNDING SCENE:

Because sounding was something sol was really wanting to try, I decided to set the date for our first sounding scene on his birthday, while we were staying with MissDee in Sydney.

We had our wonderful sound from S(A)X. What else did we need? We were not planning on deep sounding or reaching the bladder so sterilization was not so much an issue, although cleanliness was. But we still wanted sterile lube. We'd looked for it at a couple of sex shops before buying it from the SAX store in Sydney ... and realizing you have to ask for it because it's kept in the fridge. So don't forget to ASK!!!

After we'd retired for the evening I had sol lie back on the bed, but still in a position so that he could see. I sat cross legged, next to him, and handed him the camera.

I assembled on the bed a clean hand towel, a sachet of sterile lube and the sound. In our case we had a single sound, but if you have purchased a set here's some good advice from Tom Gordon:

"Estimate what is the largest size sound which will obviously fit into the opening. You want to begin with the largest size possible because larger sounds are less 'pointy' and are more gentle as they slip in"

Even though I was not planning to insert the sound more than a couple of centimeters this first scene I'd also take ChaseUnion's advice on board:

"Examine the sound carefully before you insert it, and become completely familiar with its shape, as the location and position of the handle will allow you to know where the curve of the other end is. Using your knowledge of the shape of the sound, and your knowledge of human anatomy gained from the anatomical cross-section included with this article, the sound can be gently guided into place until it rests comfortably in position"

I heavily lubed the bottom half of the sound and especially the tip area, as well as around sol's urethra. I didn't use a syringe because this was our first attempt at sounding and I was not planning to go past a couple of inches. When you are planning to go further, keep Tom Gordon's advice in mind:

"Place the tip of the KY-filled syringe near the opening of the penis; put a small blob of KY right at the opening to lubricate the passage of the syringe into the tip of the penis. Hold the cock loosely, and gently place the tip of the syringe in the opening of the cock; squeeze in a generous amount of KY (if this were toothpaste, you'd be injecting about 25mm/1"). Keep the syringe in place for a moment while you gently stroke the cock to prevent the KY from shooting out. Some people feel a bit of discomfort at this point, a slight burning at the tip of the cock. This is caused by a difference between the acid/alkaline balance of the lubricant (which is manufactured for 'average' people) and that of the tissues of the bottom. This sensation will pass within a minute and is nothing to worry about"

I picked up the sound with my left hand:

I'm left handed and I'd read that you needed to use the hand over which you have maximum control. I 200% agree with this, having now used a sound. I held the sound just under the ball / weight at the top. This is what felt most comfortable to me. It also allowed me to manipulate the sound easily with my fingers. I held his cock straight up and steady with my other hand.

I positioned the sound above sol's urethra ... I gently ran the tip around it and into it, gently forcing more lube down his urethra. I then straightened the sound again, positioned the tip above the hole and then gently inserted the sound's tip.

Yes, I know I keep repeating the word "gently". But that's how you do it!!

We'd been advised to just let the sound drop / move down under it's weight and this worked. Tom Gordon advises:

"Never push a sound in. Gravity is the only force used. Your job is merely to guide the sound and to prevent it from dropping in too suddenly; this is especially true until you have some experience with the technique"

I was concentrating very hard because you need to keep an eye on several things. You are not only working to keep the sound vertical but sort of working in two dimensions at the bottom. That might sound a bit weird but you'll know what I mean when you try it. You are trying to work the tip both forwards and backwards and also left and right. The latter was easy from my point of view looking straight at sol's urethra, but forwards and back was harder and I needed sol's input to make sure the sound stayed on target. You absolutely HAVE to get it right, as ChaseUnion confirms:

"Once any sound is in place, it must be supported carefully either by the person inserted it or the person in whom it is inserted. Sounds are quite heavy and more weight is outside the opening in the muscle wall mentioned above than is inside. With the muscle wall serving as a fulcrum, the sound can literally fall over and could possibly cause internal damage"

I was not planning to go very deep but I looked forward to what we could do with a completed inserted sound at a future time when I had more experience:

"Once in place, very gentle and limited movement can be very erotic. Tapping the handle of the sound with a metal object or using s small vibrator, can drive them wild. The sound can also be used as an electrical contact if one is experienced in electro-torture. Some bottoms become orgasmic at even the thought of connecting a Relax-Acizor (or other electro-stimulator) between a VanBuren sound and an appropriate metal butt-plug, placing the shortest route for an electrical current directly across the prostate."

Here's another person's sounding experience, from a tribe thread:

"when inserting the sound this should be done SLOWLY, lay on your back hold the penis in a upward direction start with the smallest sound, use lots of medical surgi lube start the sound into the head ,,with a LOOSE GRIP on the sound allow it to enter on it's own,, it will slide into the urethra by it self (due toi it's own weight) to about 3-4 inches,, for me at about this point because of the curved ends on mine,, my Owner has to "GENTLY" turn the sound one way or the other to follow the urethra tube,sometimes aiming the penis down help's in this,, when it makes this turn holding the penis up it will slide in some more on it's own (from it's own wieght) this usally takes it to a point of about 6-7 inches inside me,,, from then on my Owner "GENTLY" "EVER SO GENTLY" pushes it the rest of the way in with Her hand constantly watching me (for discomfort) and listening to my comunication from how i feel and if She should turn it or what ever i may need to get it further"

I was not planning to go nearly as far as that. But it's always good to read about what might happen on your next attempt.

I can't really tell how much time passed because of my level of concentration, but to maintain that level of concentration I'd not advise a dominant to plan a scene of 10 - 15 minutes for first time.

I let the sound drop millimeter by millimeter:

Sol asked me to come out completely once, after we began to run out of lube and it became uncomfortable. This gave me good feedback - an indication of how far I could go with lube simply pushed in via the sound. A syringe of lube would obviously allow deeper penetration but for a first time I was happy just to learn as much as I could.

All this made me wonder: can you come, during this sort of play? Turns out there is a bit of controversy about orgasm and ejaculation with a foreign object inserted in the urethra. ChaseUnion discusses the issue on their page "to cum or not to cum":

"Many people have done it a number of times with no apparent adverse results. In fact, they swear by the experience. This writer, however prefers to take a more conservative approach. When one looks at the forces exerted at the time of ejaculation - enough to force semen two feet into the air - and considers the effect of those forces exerted against a blocked channel, along with the effect of sphincter muscles trying to contract against a non-fluid object, and the muscle contractions meant to force fluid through a channel now being exerted against a solid object, one wonders what kind of back-pressures are created and what potential for damage exists.

"No one, including this writer can cite concrete data or cases. Remember, if you walk across a busy street often enough without looking both ways, eventually you're going to get run over by a truck. This falls into the area of personal decision and acceptable risk levels. Each person must make up his own mind as to his own acceptable level of risk-taking"

Tom Gordon agrees:

"bottoms often feel a strong urge to masturbate when a sound has been inserted. This must be avoided because of the likelihood of injury. Bottoms often want the top to be more vigorous in insertion. This is a time when the top needs to be responsible and in control, and do only what is good for the bottom. The insertion of sounds produces such unusual and erotic feelings for some people that they need a good top to control their behavior"

So ... okay ... no coming, then!

Eventually I gently withdrew the sound. You can see how far we inserted the sound by where the lube stops:

Sol wanted to continue but I decided enough for first scene ... also my left hand was starting to shake with effort. Not good when you are trying to insert something with complete control a millimeter at a time!

I asked sol how it felt when the sound came out:

"slight sort of after glow, like a mild burning ... that doesn't quite convey it ... mildly warm I guess ... does burn a bit next time you pee but very very slightly"

I remember reading in Tom Gordon's article that "one bottom told me that the removal felt like "an orgasm in slow motion."

I allowed sol to masturbate himself, using the lube already there, while I pinched his nipples, and then allowed him to come. After all it was his birthday. Was it a good orgasm?

"absolutely ... there was a little bit of burning but not particularly unpleasant"

When we proceed further we'll keep Tom Gordon's instructions in mind:

"When the sound has entered about an inch more than the length of the penis, change the angle of the penis: slowly lower it toward the testicles to form approximately a 45 degree angle; gradually raise it again. This will negotiate the curve in the plumbing and the sound will drop into the bladder. Guide the sound with gentle manipulation of the handle; don't push!

"Remove the sound slowly... You can move it in and out slowly if the bottom enjoys the sensation. The larger sizes of sound will tend to drop in more readily because of their greater weight.

"Inject a bit more KY as before, and go on to the next larger size. Continue in this manner, going to larger sizes until the bottom feels discomfort; use plenty of lube. Most often, discomfort due to the size of the sound will be felt as slight burning at the tip of the cock. You can tell that you have reached the bottom's optimal size when the skin at the tip of the cock begins to stick to the sound during insertion and removal, even though well lubricated; the tissue forms a slight funnel-shape as the sound is moved. Going to a larger size after this will actually stretch the urethra (It will shrink back to its original size unless this treatment is done three or four times).

"When you have removed the largest sound you intend to use, gently milk the bottom's cock to remove some of the KY. Prepare the sounds to be cleaned and sterilized before subsequent use.

I had been looking forward to talking to sol about what sounding feels like. I mentioned above how lots of people give great quotes about why they do sounding but no one says how it feels. But interestingly I encountered the same verbal block with sol. It seems sounding is simply a very difficult sensation to describe. Sol ended up calling it "a unique sensation".

Does it hurt?

"nooo .... it hurts if you push the wrong angle ... this is why the angle is crucial and you can't go sideways [Ms160: this relates to my trying to describe the working in two dimensions] "

I tried again to ask him to describe how it feels:

"it feels very sensitive ... it's a very delicate sensation ... it isn't intensely pleasurable ... more subtle ... some people say about power exchange, to me it does require a kind of surrender and letting go to do it ... sort of in the same way you need a certain mindset to allow someone to lick your eye ball, you have to will yourself to allow it, even though it's nice"

This reminded me of something Tom Gordon had mentioned:

"You will discover that the bottom experiences great pleasure when the sound is inserted to a certain depth. The top should gently manipulate the sound at that point; the sound is probably stimulating the prostate gland intensely, and in a way not possible through any other sexual technique.

"Most bottoms enjoy seeing the insertion, especially the sound vanishing into the penis by its own weight. Many bottoms have expressed amazement to me that such a large object could go so far in without pain. They feel a sense of complete submission of their most intimate orifice and a voluntary vulnerability beyond any previous experience"

I asked sol whether he wanted to do it again:

"absolutely ... enthusiastically ... frequently ... lol ... please..."

That's a yes then...

The second time we played we did go in a little deeper, and we'll keep working on that and keep blog readers advised. ... and says sol, combine it with a TENS until when we get one...

WANT ONE?!

You can either buy sounds in sets or individually. Remember Chase Union's advice:

"Dilators are sold singly or in sets of 8 (in a small case) and are double ended. Sounds are sold singly–almost never in sets–and are single ended"

The sound we use is hand made at S(A)X, "hand made Stainless Steel Urethral Sound, made in the Sax metal workshop, only the best medical toy you have used!". You can purchase it here, if you'd like to try it. I certainly recommend it. We've had a lot of fun with it ... and we've only just begun.

If you'd like to peruse full sets check out this link.

Another aspect of sounds that you might like to explore is jewelry that incorporate sounds, such as cock wands, plugs and wedges. One we've always wanted to try is the Prince Albert's Wand, which is:

"in its simplest form, is a urethral sound held in place by a PA piercing (although any urethral piercing - ampallang, PA, or apadravya - can hold them). Its purpose is urethral stimulation. Most people wear them only for play, but some people wear them all the time"

Another interesting design is the pound puppy:

a short prince's wand that requires an ampallang piercing and two off-centre PA piercings... Resulting in a piece of custom jewelry that looks somewhat like a little pound puppy plush toy"

I've also seen urethral vibrators for sale:

I think that is the next toy we'll buy from S(A)X *grin*.

There are also toys like the "Zeus Electrosex Urethral Sound" around. Mistress Satet sells them, the blurb reads:

"The electrical urethral sounds takes [urethral play] one step further. Split into two poles, it runs a current from one end to the other through the penis of the user for an incredible experience"

It's a toy to work towards, we definitely don't have the experience yet!

But you can see what I mean, about the potential of urethral play toys . They all sound like fun ... if you'll excuse the pun :)

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES:

BMEzine.com - article with links to images of urethral sounds

Chase Union:

Difference between sounds and dilators (shows different urethral sound instruments and their use; explains about different size metrics and types)
You're going to put a what?? Up my what?? (great info and anatomy diagrams about how to proceed)

Go Ask Alice!: "Cock-stuffing"

Kennedy Ray - Urethral play

Tom A Gordon - Sounds series (republished on several sites including MedicalToys.com)

Savage Love - "Playing Doctor" October 18, 2001

Wiki Urethral Sounds

FORUMS:
Fetlife's sounding groups have threads on how to proceed and good links etc:

Bad Dragon - Forum:

forum thread on sounding and stuffing

BDSM weblog:

forum thread - "sounding and staples and .."

Tribes threads:

Sin Central:

Urethral sounding / stretching

MOVIES / VIDEOS:
Sounding #1

"Ty" being fucked in her urethra

Video which includes female urethral catheterization

BOOKS:

Hardy Haberman, Fetish Diva Midori.
The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment.
Greenery Press, 2001. ISBN 189015934

Thank you's:
Sincere thanks to Steve Sax for providing the fabulous implement
that's guiding our sounding explorations!
And also:
To all the wonderful urethral players I've quoted who've
shared their sounding experiences and advice online

Photos:
Ms160
Sound and urethral vibrator - S(A)X
Zeus Electrosex Urethral Sound - MistressSatet's Online Store

Fisting Workshop at Satet's home

2010-02-16T22:08:00.000-08:00

Sol and I were lucky enough to attend a workshop on fisting that was held last Sunday at Satet's home in Brisbane.

Satet is one of the few people on the Brisbane scene to regularly organize or teach BDSM educational workshops. These have included basic and intermediate needle play which Satet taught with JC and Katty. Sol and I attended this and really had a great time - you'll find a blog post about it on my BDSM For Beginner's blog here. Next, I think, was Microbranding and temporary piercing, taught by the amazing Bella, who later became such a good friend to sol and myself in Melbourne. We had friends who attended and enjoyed the day very much. So when Satet announced on Fetlife that she might be organizing a fisting workshop, sol and I put our names on the list immediately.

We also had another reason for wanting to attend, being aware that all funds raised on the day would be put towards the most important local kinky cause around here at the moment, for Bast.

WANT TO HELP BAST
OR ATTEND SLUTBOI'S
BENEFIT FOR BAST
ON 6 MARCH?
CLICK HERE!

Fisting is rarely offered as a workshop topic, in fact I can't even recall the last time a similar workshop was offered in Australia. It must have been a while back. Sol and I really enjoyed the afternoon. Apart from catching up with some old friends, we learned a great deal.

Both anal and vaginal fisting were covered by the presenter, dunalot.

First we had an hour and a half of theory, covering preparation topics such as cleaning out, gloves and lubes, and then moving on to preparing the play area, communication, hand positions, etc. The workshop notes dunalot provided were thoughtfully written, with lots of great tips from experience.

Then it was time for the practical sessions. These were extremely helpful, and I truly can't praise dunalot's "demo" bodies highly enough. Afterwards Satet asked all attendees to fill in a Feedback form. Sol and I were both delighted to rate everything "excellent".

If you live in Southern Queensland or Northern NSW and are interested in finding out about Satet's workshops, you can keep up to date by writing to Satet on Fetlife, to ask if you may join her house party group (titled "Poney's House Parties"), where forthcoming workshops are listed.

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES:

BOOKS:
Addington, D (1998). A Hand in the Bush, The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. Greenery Press.

WEBSITES:
Wiki - Fisting
Fisting Academy - how to info
Sex Info 101 - Fisting - more how to info
Fisting porn

FORUMS:
Fetlife - Fisting Group
Fetlife - Fisting in NSW (local group for those who live in New South Wales)
Fisting Forum

VIDEOS:
Dunalot recommends this YouTube video: Vagina Song *grin*

Many thanks:
Satet
Dunalot

Hemp rope explorations....

2010-01-25T17:59:00.000-08:00

I'm xposting this from my main blog because it explores a subject many of you enjoy: bondage ... rope ... and how to actually use it! It also gives me the opportunity to again promote a cause dear to my heart ... read on...

****

A few weeks back the subject of hemp rope was raised on my Northern NSW Fetlife group. DucatiGuy posted:

"I attended the Shibari level 1 workshop this week (highly recommended) and during the evening Satomi said that hemp rope was great for this but hard to get hold of. I seem to remember reading somewhere about hemp producers on the Northern Rivers who were looking for products and outlets for hemp. Does anybody here know of a potential supplier in the area who may already make hemp rope or would be interested in doing so?"

Are we talking about what you think we are talking about here? We are, indeed. Wiki notes:

"Hemp use dates back to the Stone Age, with hemp fibre imprints found in pottery shards in China and Taiwan[45] over 7,000 years old. They were also later used to make clothes, shoes, ropes, and an early form of paper ... Hemp cloth was more common than linen until the mid 14th century."

Hemp rope is made from of stalks of fiber harvested from sativa, a variety of the Cannabis group of plants. Many seafarers preferred hemp rope because it was extremely durable, very strong and had a high natural resistance to mold and the damaging UV rays of the sun.

Hemp rope is much loved by kinksters interested in serious bondage. Japan Rope notes:

"Hemp rope is the traditional material of Japanese Rope Bondage. It's the first thing a kinbakushi (bondage master) reaches for when binding someone. And for good reason. Finished hemp has the perfect balance of textures - both rough and soft - a sensual treat that dovetails ideally into the form, function, and underlying philosophies of bondage"

Here MissEvilGen, who post on the same Fetlife thread, explains part of the attraction:

"Those of you who have seen Me rigging, will have seen that I use Hemp rope, or Jute rope...usually Hemp. (As a matter of interest, the word in Japanese is the same, for both "hemp" and "jute" rope LOL). Now, both types of rope have the same lack of stretch, that wonderful quality that you will never get with a cotton or silk rope. It's like being bound in concrete, I like to say. Hemp is heavier rope, which adds a nice weight to it during play, but when you carry as much as I do, the toybag gets bloody heavy! Jute is much lighter, without losing anything from a play perspective, although it doesn't have the lovely oil'y smell that Hemp has. So, both ropes, much of a muchness...there are small advantages and disadvantages to both, really"

Diane ("female, 53, het., switch but more sub than top" ) a happy customer of JapanRope also describes hemp rope's attractions evocatively:

"Oh my God. This rope is sensational.

"I haven’t had hemp rope next to my skin before. I ripped open the box, grabbed a length, and tied a rope bra on myself. I was instantly aware that no other sort of rope even approaches the sensations the hemp gives. Nothing else creates such an intense feeling of being tightly, unrelentingly bound. The scent is earthy and intoxicating and intensifies as my body warms it. Making the knots creates a "lock, click-in" kind of sound that magnifies the sensation of being in bondage. As I twist my body, I feel more of the rope scratch. The scratch is delightful and seems to arouse my whole body, not just where the rope is against my skin.

"I didn’t know hemp creaked! The creaking speaks, telling me I’m bound. It doesn’t stretch!-- the tie stays as tight as when I first tied it. It stays put! The two double wraps around my back are exactly where they started five delicious hours ago. Over the hours, the scratch of the rope only gets more interesting. It was a terrible letdown to have to take it off, but the gorgeous marks it leaves behind are profoundly satisfying. Thank you, guys, for bringing us this wonderful rope. Yow!"

Hemp rope has another attraction from sol's and my point of view.

As eco kinksters interested in tracking down natural materials we like the fact hemp rope is environmentally friendly. And that kinky hemp rope businesses are locked in to sustaining a green ethos. Of the business that sourced Nawa Joshi's "raw" hemp rope, Nawa Joshi writes:

"The Rawganique rope is organic (yay pesticide free!) with all that all-natural goodness you'd expect from a hippie-dippy company bent on saving the world. Really though, those guys are pretty cool and you'd be doing your karma a good turn to support them :)"

And for already finished hemp rope, you can't beat Twisted Monk's ethos:

"Whenever possible, our rope is obtained from fair trade producers and finished using animal free/ vegan friendly oils and dyes. We take our commitment a step further and recycle the waste materials from our conditioning process for use in eco friendly, "green" building projects around the region"

Which brings me to this photo:

You are looking at the creme de la creme of hemp rope there.

That's an example of the exquisite rope Twisted Monk sells, their ultra premium 4 strand hemp rope ... and in fact I'm going to use this post for a bit of further promotion...

Every month Twisted Monk creates a small batch of a special color. In this photo you can see what's about to be released on Saturday January 23, 2010. This rope is "Bavarian Blonde" and this month it's a "shocking, bright pink". It's been created for the best of causes:

"this month's color is a benefit color with the profits going to support Midori and the AIDS/Lifecycle ... This color will go on sale Saturday, Jan 23 at noon. The color of the month always sells out fast, but the Midori colors always sell even faster, hence me giving you all lots and lots a warning."

You can purchase the rope via their website here. And you can support Midori on the AIDS /Lifecycle here. Need more info? Midori writes :

"From June 6-12, 2010, I'm being a roadie volunteer for AIDS/LifeCycle. It's a 7-day, 545-mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles to make a world of difference in the lives of people living with HIV and AIDS.

Help me support this big huge cause by giving what you can. Every little bit counts! Think of it this way... would you buy me a drink? An equivalent of a fancy coffee or cocktail would be fabulous.

(If you're going to be in Seattle on January 30, 2010, and you're a gal, you can come to my big sexy party called "Bang 4 The Buck" - it's our fabulous AIDS LfieCycle fundraiser party.)

Thanks for being on my team and believing in all the crazy things I do...

hugs Midori"

Thank you from Ms160, too. OK, back to hemp rope explorations....

As Satomi had pointed out to Ducatiguy, hemp rope can be hard to track down. This is often because the production of industrial hemp remains illegal in many countries, where local laws don't differentiate the production of industrial hemp from the production of any other form of cannabis. Wiki notes that licenses for hemp cultivation are currently issued in the European Union, Canada, in three states of Australia, and nine states in the United States:

"In Australia the states of Victoria, Queensland and most recently New South Wales issue licenses to grow hemp for industrial use. Victoria was an early adopter in 1998, and has reissued the regulation in 2008.^[60] Queensland has allowed industrial production under license since 2002^[61] where the issuance is controlled under the Drugs Misuse Act 1986.^[62] Most recently New South Wales now issues licenses^[63] under a law that came into effect as at 6 November 2008, the Hemp Industry Regulations Act 2008 (No 58).^[64]"

So Ducatiguy's post raised a topical issue. With the new licenses it should now be easier to find hemp rope locally in New South Wales. Shouldn't it?

It wasn't!

Sol and I thought we knew a local hemp rope supplier, as we live very close to the ... er .... hemp capital of Australia (ask me about the annual Mardis Grass Festival sometime). Because there was quite a bit of behind the scene interest I organized a munch for a few group members interested in hemp rope to meet at Sphinx Rock (where we've held several munches) and then check out what was available in Nimbin.

It turned out the hemp rope available locally was being imported from Europe. It was also unconditioned or untreated ... what's called "raw" rope. You can see some of what we purchased locally, below:

The Rope For Pleasure site explains about "raw" hemp rope:

"Raw" hemp rope is very stiff and rough. It needs to be properly broken in before using it for erotic bondage. Raw rope has coarse fibers that can splinter into your bare hands if you rub them along the rope briskly. Finished rope is worked so it lays better when used in bondage and the risk of any splinters from the fibers is minimized. Finished hemp rope has a feel very much like your favorite wool sweater. The process involves working the rope, removing the "fuzz", and treating the rope with a touch of natural animal oil. The oil mats the surface of the rope and makes working the rope easier on your hands"

You can certainly play with "raw" hemp rope, but it does limit what you can do. I found I rather enjoyed the texture of the untreated hemp rope we'd purchased. It was viciously rough ... see the bits of fibre and twig sticking out of the rope in the photo below:

The texture did things to my head, and made me think of interesting ways to use it, for shorter bondage scenes. For example, here's sol in an untreated hemp rope body harness during our recent Xmas Party Weekend:

Now usually a rope body harness is the kind of thing a sub can wear all day (want to know how to make one? Read tacit's instructions here :) ). But this one, no way. I think sol lasted about half an hour. See how nicely the "raw" rope moves against the skin, irritating the skin with it's many rough fibres:

You can't leave it on too long.

I'm leaving this particular piece of rope unfinished as I like it that way. But what about future purchases? To be honest at some point I am going to want to process it, to get more use of out it. MissEvilGen wrote about this particular task on the same thread in my Fetlife group:

"buying raw and finishing yourself is a very rewarding experience ... but Goddess it's a chore! LOL. It's a long process, and getting the good oil as it were for finishing is also a bit difficult"

True. But note that "very rewarding experience" bit. As the Shibari Nation site observes:

"Some people enjoy preparing and treating their own rope, as they enjoy the feeling of working with something they helped to produce. It also allows more freedom over the finished product; if its not soft enough, boiling for longer will soften it up, if you want a length that isn't generally commercially available, you can cut the rope to that length yourself.

"Another reason you may wish to treat your own rope is cost. While the procedure is simple, it is time consuming, and paying for someone else to do this means that treated rope ready for bondage is considerably more expensive than untreated rope.

Rope For Pleasure agrees:

"Finishing “Raw” hemp rope is a process that takes a fair amount of time to do correctly. When you complete the process you will have a piece of rope that feels very similar to a sensual, albeit scratchy, Shetland wool sweater when it rubs across the skin. You will also have a relationship to your rope and your partner that no amount of money can buy. Having presence of mind in bondage begins with the patience born of "knowing" your rope."

What's actually involved with processing or finishing the rope? In case you feel like doing it yourself, you can:

buy a copy of Midori’s groundbreaking “The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage”. Midori's favorite type of rope is "softened hemp rope" (p35) and she tells you exactly why. She also provides details as to how to finish the rope (p37) and look after it (p38)

check out this Instructable tutorial

read David El's instructions for his finishing rope dry method on Rope For Pleasure

and also this excellent blog post documenting Nawa Joshi's own hemp rope conditioning

which in turn is based on this Tied Out West page on rope preparation and care

you'll find a detailed essay by Jason (Shibari Fetish Tribe) on Hemp Rope Finishing here

an illustrated guide to rope preparation on Shibari Nation here

and a Tribe thread discussing hemp rope finishing here.

As Midori's info is offline, and I'd like to provide a bit more detail here about finishing hemp rope, I'm going to quote the following info on hemp processing from Monkey Fetish Studios, which in turn is derived from the Helios method found on Jimi Tatu’s website:

"Fundamentally, we process hemp rope to make it more pleasant on the skin and there are many ways to do this but they all do the same fundamental things. Each method can have its own attraction based on ease of process and connection to the rope. The method outlined below minimizes the amount of work required to make a superior product but does not have the spiritual connection desired by some.

Clean - Cleaning removes the dirt and chemicals from the rope. This is typically performed as the first step when the rope is put through a washing process.
Singeing - Singeing removes the excess fuzzies from the rope so that it is smooth. This is usually performed over a stove after the cleaning process.
Soften - Softening makes the rope more pleasant for the skin by breaking up some of the fibers and making the rope more supple.. This can happen by working the rope in any number of methods. Some common methods are by manually working the rope, running it back and forth around a tree, tumbling in a dryer, etc. My method involves using a dryer and I can only speak to the efficacy of that method.
Moisten - Hemp, un-oiled is very dry. Dry rope is unpleasant on the skin and much less pleasant to work with. There are many possible oils that can be used. Some common oils are Vaseline, jojoba, hemp, mink and almond. Avoid bio-degradable oils like vegetable oil or you will have a rather rotten surprise in your toybag.

What you will need:

Washing machine
Gas stove
Pressure cooker (optional)
Rope
Oil of your choice
A place to stretch the rope at the end

Depending on how picky you are about the lengths of your rope, you may wish to cut it first. However, be aware that it will change length slightly (possibly even growing!) during processing. Leaving a full batch of rope uncut will dramatically increase the amount of time spent detangling rope as you work with it. If you do not wish to live with rope that is not exact length, it would still be advisable to cut into two or three lengths of rope. Tie overhand knots into the end of each of your ropes so they don’t unravel in the washer.

Place the rope into pillow cases or other bags and put them in the washer using a gentle detergent like Woolite™. This will remove dirt and chemicals from the rope.

When the wash cycle has finished, place the rope in the dryer and dry until dry. Leaving the rope in the pillow case(s) will minimize tangling but will not accomplish the goal of beating up the rope and breaking the fibers nearly as well. The dryer steps are critical for making the rope soft.

Once drying is complete, the rope should be detangled and singed. The simplest method for singing is the run the rope slowly over a gas stove. Alternatives are a propane torch or candle. Be careful not to actually burn the rope but you will find this surprisingly difficult to do.

At this point many methods call for manually rubbing your choice of oil on the rope to moisten it. We are going to skip this step as it is completely unnecessary and labor intensive. You may rub oil on the rope here and skip adding it to the pot in the next step if you desire.

Place the rope in a sufficiently large pressure cooker or pot with a dollop of oil. I use Vaseline because it works well for people with sensitive skin. Boil for one hour at 10PSI in a pressure cooker or just boil if in a pot. The big benefit of a pressure cooker is that it keeps the smell in and it raises the boiling temperature of water by about 15 degrees C and causes the oil to emulsify and adhere to the rope slightly better.

After boiling, place back in the dryer and dry again.

We get a huge time savings at this point with the dollop of oil method because we don’t have to detangle the rope after drying. We just place it back in our pot and boil again with another dollop of oil.

We repeat the boil/dry process for three or four times until the rope is at the desired softness.

Find a place (bedframe, two trees, chair, etc) to stretch the rope around and pull as tight as possible to restore most of the length lost due to shrinkage. Leave for a few hours just for good measure. Trim to length and finish the ends.

A few notes of importance:

Any times/amounts are approximate. There is no exact science behind 10PSI for 1 hour. What we know is that it possesses that quality known as “enough”.
The dryer step could be replaced by hang drying and manually working the rope if you really want to make more work for yourself.
The dollop of oil method can be replaced by manually adding oil to the rope by rubbing it through your hands. There is no quality advantage of doing this.

A few more words about oils:

Nawa Joshi writes:

"I choose to use mineral oil on my rope for a number of reasons:
1. It's crazy cheap and widely available
2. It's stable and won't go rancid
3. It's edible! Cutting boards are often sealed with mineral oil, and drug stores sell it as a laxative of sorts. I figured if I used mineral oil on the rope it would still be safe to put in mouths and sensitive bits.

"If someone out there in internet-land thinks this was a bad idea, please let me know. But really, I'm happy with the results :)

Rope For Pleasure reminds us to take:

"precautions about animal oils - be sure that they do not contain neetsfoot oil with the petrochemical smell that is its trademark. Do not use vegetable oils as they go rancid quite easily and will eventually cause some rotting of the hemp fibers".

However you CAN use jojoba, according to the Tied Out West site's rope preparation and care page:

"Jojoba extract is not a typical vegetable oil, it is actually a liquid wax. All vegetable oils will go rancid and sticky, even nut oils. Boiled vegetable oils cure stiff. Jojoba extract does not go rancid or stiff, and has a very pleasant, slightly sweet woody smell”.

If you want to buy hemp rope already processed and conditioned with jojoba, contact Canadian business HandmadeRope . JapanRope works Bayu oil into the fibers of their ropes. What if you have sensitive skin or might be allergic to hemp? Twisted Monk suggests:

"A common allergic reaction from hemp bondage rope is from the oils used. Our rope is process with an allergen free, vegan friendly oil. Also, check out our Twistedmonk.com Exotic line of rope for other fibers such as silk, jute or hemp linen. Order a sample pack and see all our ropes and see what ones work best for you"

MauiKink also seem to take a lot of care with the oils they use. Their website notes:

"We use several oils. Our newest addition to our collection is a luxurious and exotic Tahitian Oil created with coconut oil. No preservatives, emulsifiers or animal products are added to these oils.

"Among the oils in this collection, we can condition your ropes with the Pikake, Tiare, Plumeria Tipani, Santal, or Vanilla Monoi Oils. We can also use pure Mink Oil to condition our hemp ropes as well as other natural oils such as Hemp Seed Oil and Hypo-Allergenic Mineral Oil. We will send the ropes already conditioned in either the lightly scented coconut Monoi oil or Mink oil, so if you don't want your rope conditioned with anything or prefer a different oil, please note in your order or email us. We will work with you find the right type of oils and products in our collection, so be sure to let us know!"

The final process in hemp rope processing is what's called whipping the ends of the rope, which is usually done with whipping twine or strong thread. The Two Knotty Boys have a great video on this:

I need to learn some more about the options available for this. In a blog post about rope finishing ranat (from beyondthehills) observes:

"Over at Twisted Monk, they apparently use French palm-and-needle whipping for the ends. Upon further research palm-and-needle appears to be the longest-lasting form of whipping, and I have tried in vain to find instructions for it. The closest I’ve found is instructions for sailmaker’s whipping, but I’ve also seen some references in books that look exactly like sailmaker’s whipping, but claim to be palm-and-needle."

Cordage responded:

"From what I know, the sailmakers whipping (plain) wraps around the twisted rope several times then “binds” the horizontal bands with verticals that cinch between the twists of the rope at least twice.

"The ‘French’ come in by using half hitches instead of wraps around the rope. The horizontal bands, perpendicular to the rope, are a series of half hitches around; with or without the binding cinches.

"IMHO, I say go with the regular whipping, but make it at least half an inch wide for 6mm rope, 5/8 of an inch for larger, 3/8 of an inch for smaller, depending on the twine you use to finish."

And so did albesan:

"Here’s [a link] to a description of the palm and needle method. Also, the “palm” in “palm and needle” must come from the tool used by sailmakers to push the needle through the fabric which is called palm. there is a picture of one in the link on the post above this one."

It's all interesting stuff. I hope ranat had fun with her “Leonardo” rope machine.

So, there you go ... you now have some idea of your hemp rope options. You can buy exquisitely finished ropes from places like Twisted Monk (and support extremely important causes while you do so ) or you can find somewhere that sells "raw" hemp rope and undertake the finishing process yourself. Or you can leave it "raw" . Or....

Possibilities .... possibilities....

REFERENCES + ONLINE RESOURCES:

Books:

Midori’s “The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage”

Buying pre treated hemp rope:

I highly recommend Twisted Monk "the information-packed online rope store catering to both the elite shibari master and the bumbling couple tying each other up for the first time. With instructional videos, links, kits, and a blog, The Twisted Monk goes beyond just providing some string to fool around with". MissEvilGen agrees ("Generally, I rig with Hemp which I get direct from Twisted Monk in the USA (Ms160 linked them in a previous post). In fact, I have just replaced My Hemp, after about 5 years of heavy usage...so it does last and last!").

Join their mailing list today!

Also: The Twisted Monk blog and The short Q & A with the Twisted Monk

Kinky Ropes

HandmadeRope

Maui Kink

Japan Rope

Buying non treated hemp rope:

The author of the instruction tutorial on condition hemp rope writes "I buy Ecolution Romanian hemp rope through greenboatstuff.com . It's sold by weight so if you buy thicker rope you won't get the same length"

Nawa Joshi writes: "I ordered my rope from these http://rawganique.com/HArope.htm nice people"

If you are in Australia, drop me a line via my Fetlife profile and I'll grab some from the Hemp Embassy in Nimbin for you.

About hemp in Oz:

Hemp Embassy, Nimbin

Industrial Hemp in Australia

"Opportunities to engage in commercial low THC hemp fiber and seed production in NSW". www.dpi.nsw.gov.au.

"Guidelines for engaging in the commercial production of industrial hemp in Queensland". dpi.qld.gov.au.

Online resources:

wiki - Hemp (accessed 22 Jan 2010)

David El's instructions for his finishing rope dry method on Rope For Pleasure

Post documenting Nawa.Joshi's own hemp rope conditioning

Tied Out West page on rope preparation and care

Essay by Jason (Shibari Fetish Tribe) on Hemp Rope Finishing

an illustrated guide to rope preparation on Shibari Nation

Tribe thread of hemp rope finishing

Tutorial - Condition and Dye Your Own Hemp Rope

Tutorial - How Hemp Rope is Made

How to make rope from hemp

Tools for making hemp rope

Discussion about hemp rope on ranat's blog

Thank you:
ranat
TKB
Maui Kink
Twisted Monk
Monkey Fetish

Photos:
Ms160
"Bavarian Blonde" rope photo courtesy Twisted Monk
blog "As Promised" posted 19 Jan 2010

Banner:
courtesy
Twisted Monk

Animal play is for the birds....

2009-10-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

(photo: Central Asian horseman - provenance unknown)

I had an email last week from a male Dominant who wrote that his sub was interested in animal play ... or more specifically bird play. She wanted him to train her as an eagle. He was unable to find anything about this on the internet, so dropped me a line.

I'd never heard of this either. It's an interesting idea. I would certainly find a bird of prey helpful during my sub hunts *grin*. Anyway, I thought I might include my reply here, in case any readers encounter this. I'd also be grateful for any ideas you have, and promise to pass them on to him :)

****

"The only form of animal role play featuring birds that I've heard of is parrot play, but I have no further info or training details. You are going to have to start from scratch here, but there's a lot of fun to be had in that.

"First, if you've not had a serious animal play D/s relationship before I suggest you read up on the classic forms such as pony play (and here ) and puppy play (also kitten play as this is popular amongst female subs) for practical tips on how to run animal play relationships, their basic dynamics etc. You might like to try joining the Human Fauna forum. I wasn't able to access their forum this morning so they might be offline for a bit, but their forum covers all types of animals and it might be a great place to ask for advice.

"Some thoughts:

"Why an eagle?

"The majority of reasons for animal role play are linked to power exchange and physically manifesting animals that are familiar to the player, such as puppies or pony play. In your sub's case though the choice of an eagle suggests a spiritual link, and you'll need to identify the connection to make the role play work. Ask why she has chosen an eagle. Does she identify with a particular species of eagle? Does she relate to it as an animal totem? In case she does I've added some info below about eagles as animal totems in Native American culture. Does she feel the connection goes deeper than that? Does she see eagles as a part of her own psyche?

"If there is some kind of spiritual connection you might like to do further research into tribal cultures where non-sexual animal roleplay was common. Native American culture is the one that most comes to mind, as animal role play was an important part of their rituals. In this case the animal was usually either one that was revered spiritually, or one that was hunted. Eagles would fit the first category. Try and track down photos or info about animal dances - one example that comes to mind is the last Animal Dance ("Massaum") performed by the Northern Cheyenne of Montana, photographed by Julia Tuell in 1911. This often gets translated as a buffalo dance but there were many other animal stories danced into it.

"How to translate all this to role play:

"First, have a read of the Native American culture info about eagle totems below. Apart from the spiritual side, this info provides lots of interesting facts for you to work on, when creating and training your own personal eagle. Note the line "The eagle is incredibly patient. Often seen perched in a tree maintaining the same position for hours at a time, eagle teaches those with this totem how to master the art of patience in every area of their life". I'm sure that gives you some ideas for eagle training, lol.

"Read up on eagle habits and think about ways you can make this work. How do eagles take to being confined? What steps are taken to preserve their comfort in captivity? What is their diet? How do they hunt?

"Here's something else you might like to consider: eagles are one of the birds of prey used in the fine art of falconry, so this is another form of training you might like to adapt to your role play if your sub finds it of interest. Eagles are rarely used due to the difficulty of training and managing an eagle, Wiki notes. Ah ha. So there's a goal for you: training your eagle to hunt with you. Read up on how to train your first bird. This involves interesting practices such as keeping the eyes covered at certain times, keeping the bird in isolation, fitting the training bird with bells and a leash, feeding reward treats from the hand, etc etc. You get the idea, I'm sure.

"Please drop me a line if I can help further. Have fun :)

"With best regards, Ms160

AMERICAN INDIAN INFO ABOUT EAGLES AS A PERSONAL ANIMAL TOTEM

The eagle is a sacred messenger, carrying our prayers to the Creator and returning with gifts and visions for the people. Eagle feathers aid medicine people in calling on this connection when they need to contact spirit for healing.

Eagles are majestic birds with a powerful presence. Although they can be social birds they do require isolation from human encroachment to breed in the wild. If a human strays to close or touches their nest, they are likely to abandon it. Both male and female incubate the eggs and share in the duties of raising its young.

The eagle is incredibly patient. Often seen perched in a tree maintaining the same position for hours at a time, eagle teaches those with this totem how to master the art of patience in every area of their life. Within the energy of patience "all things are possible."

Eagles are good at feeding themselves from the land and still soar to great heights in the sky. They teach us how to move through life without becoming attached to anything. They show us how to accept what comes our way and see everything as a gift from great spirit. They have excellent hearing and can hunt as much by ear as by sight. To those to whom eagle comes, the ability to hear spiritually and psychically will awaken

Eagles have sharp beaks and strong jaws. They remind us to pay attention to our speech and how it affects others. Our words as well as the tone of our voice should be examined. Eagle asks us to maintain a prayerful connection with Spirit, to keep our minds focused on what is important in life. Maintaining this attitude removes judgment from our consciousness. Without judgment we speak with encouragement and kindness towards others. Lessons associated with judgment are part of this medicine.

Eagles have excellent vision. Perched high in a tree they appear to analyze and observe everything. If Eagle has blessed you with its presence in some way, you are being given potent gifts of clarity and vision to use for the good of all people helping to bring forth the light out of the darkness. Eagle also serves as a reminder to those with this totem to communicate with Great Spirit daily so the gifts Eagle offers you can be utilized fully.

(photo: Central Asian horseman - provenance unknown)

Melbourne's OzKinkFest

2009-10-13T01:29:00.000-07:00

Time to head to Melbourne, for OzKinkFest, if you are an Australian kinkster!

There are an enormous number of events planned over the next ten days, including Hellfire Resurrection IV (at which are performing: Lukas Zpira and Satomi, and The Hanged Man Team, amongst many others), Klub Kunst, Provocation and Fetish Expo, which is at Fitzroy Town Hall:

"The EXPO is a great place to come and find out about alternative lifestyles, to meet and socialise with those with similar interests. We welcome all lifestyles including straight, bi, gay, lesbian, poly, TVs, TSs, Masters, Mistresses, slaves, ponies, maids, pets, ABs and even those that are just mildly kinky or just plain curious.
Our event is open to anyone with an open mind and tolerance of others peoples' lifestyles. Come along to find out about the latest fashions, clubs and events in and around Australia."

You can read about the free to attend KinkFest's workshops and skillshares here. The website states:

"The Melbourne Leather Alliance and OzKinkFest have gathered some of the most experienced and knowledgeable folks from our community who will generously share their experience with us - and two great International presenters who are offering workshops whilst they are here.

"KinkFest 09 sees an unusual and interesting array of skillshares being presented as part of our program. OzKinkFest is proud to be offering this set of skillshares FREE of charge to the community. This is due to the generosity of our presenters, and the venues who are supporting the festival - Blue Velvet Bar, Eagle Leather and Palookaville.

"All of these skillshares and workshops are being presented under the banner of Safe, Sane and Consensual - SSC. We encourage everyone to get educated in their specific areas of kink in order to enjoy them to their fullest - safely.

"The {also} Foundation are supporting our desire to encourage sexual safety and have made a significant commitment towards enhancing sexual health in the community. Their "Take Care Out There" initiative will be a visible and welcomed sponsor of all sexual skillshares. Safe Sex packs and resources will be available to all participants in the skillshares, and are generously provided by also."

Steel and totty from Adelaide are presenting a workshop on Electrical Play on Tuesday 20 Oct.

"Target audience is for people curious about electrical play and interested in learning and experimenting with various devices. Topics covered will include :
* Electrical Safety - how not to fry your partner!
* Types of Electrical Play - 240volt is NOT ok!
* Different devices available
* TENS units - techniques, insertables,do's and don't.
* Violet Wands - myths busted, techniques, attachments.
* Practical sessions.
With numbers limited to 20 participants, there will be plenty of equipment on hand for all to participate and experiment to their heart's content...if you have your own equipment and wish to bring it along and expand your knowledge base, please feel free!"

At the same time Cyppie is holding an Impact Play 101, which also sounds great fun:

"This skillshare is targeted at new Tops/Dominants/Switches who wish to learn more about "How To" administer impact play safely. Skills that will be covered include: Flogging, Caning & Spanking The "how" and "where" of these fun activities and how "Not" to break our toys :)

"This skillshare will be facilitated by our very own Cyppie who has much experience, and a lot of information to share. Some practical activities will be included, so please bring along any impact toys that you would like to learn how to use safely and effectively"

There is a Catheterisation and Urethral Sounds workshop on Thursday 22, don't know who's presenting but I'm definitely attending:

"This is a workshop designed to teach the safe way to perform female catheterisation and how to play safely with urethral sounds on men. We will discuss safety aspects of catheterisation, the different types of catheters that can be used and for what purposes. Why insert a catheter? Now it is in - what can I do with it? There will be a demonstration on female catheterisation. Supplies will be available for purchase"

I'm presenting a strap on sex workshop on Monday night 19 Oct,

"Whether for gender play, prosthetic purposes or expressing kinky desires, a strap-on adds serious fun to sexual and D/s relationships. In this two hour "hands on" workshop for strap-on beginners Mistress160 answers all your questions, including:
• What exactly is a strap-on?
• How do I select one?
• What types of harness / dildos are there?
• What about strap-ons for larger women?
• What about strap-ons for men?
• Novelty styles of strap-on
• Eco friendly styles of strap-on
• And most importantly, how do I actually use the damn thing?
All genders/orientations welcome. Comments from Mistress 160's previous Strap-On play skillshares were "awesome and comprehensive" and "often hysterically funny... I learned as I laughed"

and on Cyber Kink on Wednesday 21 Oct:

Finding your way around kinky cyber space can be a bit hit or miss. It's rare to find someone willing to show you around and actually teach you how to play. But today you are in luck! In this two hour workshop Mistress160 will help you explore the realms of cyber kink and equip you with the skills and confidence to become an active player in forums and chatrooms. We'll discuss:
* where to find online kinky / fetish communities
* practical tips for creating online profiles
* practical hints for finding a partner online (and avoiding online predators)
* coping with online play partner disappearances
* chatroom etiquette
* how to organize a short D/s cam play scene
* cyber aftercare
* places where you can go online for further information

Bummer about presenting Cyber Kink then because otherwise I'd be at another event at Eagle Leather- "a special evening for Women with/without their partners (female or male) co-ordinated and lead by Mistress Mallice and friends"!

I am also the speaker at a Femdom only afternoon tea event on Sunday 25 Oct:

"Adrenachrome and The Sisterhood are proud to present our guest speaker Mistress 160, who will present a talk on how to run a FemDomme high teas and D/s dinner parties, followed by our very own afternoon tea for the ladies. What a lovely way to end Kinkfest 09! Please note this is a Sisterhood event for dominant and switch women only."

There are also workshops - although not free - by Lukas Zpira and Satomi. Satomi will be conducting three levels of Shibari Workshops and Lukas Spira will be presenting his Scarification and Branding Workshop. You can sign up here. I've attended Lukas' workshop and it was extremely interesting and informative. Satomi of course needs no introduction, everyone into rope agrees she's an amazing teacher ... and her self suspension performances are a joy to watch.

Look forward to seeing you there :)

Lee Harrington - Sydney and Melbourne workshops

2009-09-01T01:50:00.001-07:00

You might remember I told you about Lee Harrington's great audio programs a few months back. As I wrote then, Lee can be found online at his Passionand Soul website, who's exquisite logo you can see above:

"Welcome to the world of Lee Harrington: eclectic artist, spiritual and erotic educator, gender adventurer and published author on human sexuality and spiritual experience. Part of the international sex positive communities since 1995, his stories make people laugh while showing you that eroticism can be as serious, sexy, or silly as you make it, while challenging each of us to pursue our own erotic and spiritual authenticity. Lee's writings and photography (also under a previous pen/porn name, Bridgett Harrington) have appeared in numerous publications, and his image has been seen everywhere from PlayBoyTV to SkinTwo".

You'll find lots of interesting material on Lee's site.

The great news is Lee is coming to Australia and holding workshops in Melbourne in November and Sydney in December. If you'll forgive a xpost from _T_ on Fetlife:

On Behalf of Melbourne Leather, Dangerous-Curves and T_S we welcome the return of Lee Harrington to Australia: eclectic artist, spiritual and erotic educator, gender adventurer and published author on human sexuality and spiritual experience. Part of the international sex positive communities since 1995, his stories make people laugh while showing you that eroticism can be as serious, sexy, or silly as you make it, while challenging each of us to pursue our own erotic and spiritual authenticity.

Lee will tell us his story at an elegant opening of his down under tour at the beautiful Blue Door Gallery at Gasworks Arts Park 21 Graham Street Albert Park Victoria Australia

Opening Night Tickets $30.00. All other workshops are $55.00.

Limited numbers to all workshops in Melbourne and Sydney.

Please go check out the wonderful workshops on Fet Events,

Book early to avoid disappointment as tickets are limited

Beverages and Finger Food provided. Melbourne Tickets obtained from: http://www.gasworks.org.au/ or Phone +61(0) 3 96993253

“Lee Tells His Story” $30.00 Food and Alcohol Supplied. Blue Door Gallery at the Gasworks Arts Park. 21 Graham Street Albert Park Melbourne Victoria * All workshops $55.00 per head

Melbourne - November Venue: Gasworks Arts Park: Garden Studio. 21 Graham Street Albert Park Melbourne Victoria Australia

Rope sex Saturday 28th 2pm to 4pm

Kama Sutra Bondage Saturday 28th 5pm to 7pm

Take my Breath away Sunday 29th 2pm to 4pm

Open Hearts, Open Minds Exploring Alternative Relationships Sunday 29th 5pm to 7pm

Melbourne - December

What’s leather got to do with it? Friday 11th 7pm to 9pm

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional Saturday 12th 2pm to 4pm

Playing between the ears Saturday 12th 5pm to 7pm

Sacred Kink Sunday 13th 2pm to 4pm

Beyond Bowed heads Sunday 13th 5pm to 7pm

Sydney - December Venue: Birthing Rites: 10 Denison Street. Bondi Junction. Sydney NSW Australia

Kama Sutra Bondage Friday 4th 7pm to 9pm

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional Saturday 5th 12pm to 2pm

Take my Breath away Saturday 5th 3pm to 5pm

Sacred Kink Sunday 6th 12pm to 2pm

Open Hearts Sunday 6th 3pm to 5pm

For more understanding on the workshops please visit Lee’s website www.passionandsoul.com

Melbourne Tickets are purchased from: www.gasworks.org.au Or Phone: +61 (0) 3 9699 3253

Sydney Tickets purchased from: +61 (0) 419 531 988 loz@ozonline.com.au Private sessions: Please call +61 (0) 419 531 988 for appointments

Proudly sponsored by Transformed Self & Dangerous Curves Productions and Melbourne Leather.

Proceeds to go to Transformed Self Scholarship Fund.

(logo: Lee's website)